I thought best friends forever actually meant forever. Isnāt that the promise we make to each other as little girls?
No matter how far you move through life, thereās always that friend you go back to. The one who was there for all those āfirstsā; first sleepover, first play date, first matching necklace. The one whose memories share much of your shared childhood ā your first BFF.
I went back to see my first BFF over the summer. Just like every time we reconnected, we had plans to get food at our usual cafe, chat about our lives now, reminisce about our younger years, and laugh until we became a disturbance.
But instead, I found myself across from a warped memory. She looked the sameā¦ but different. She had the same mannerisms, but different values. She was the same on the inside, but now applied herself differently on the outside. And by the end of our hangout, we left as two strangers with a shared past.
Time had dried up the last of our connection.
For the first few days after, this realization hurt like losing a part of myself. And on some level I did. We shared the same history, the same foundational experiences, and yet, the relationship changed.Ā
Thereās only so much of your past that sticks with you. The rest is left clouded, only brought to light by the one who shares that same past. Her memories hold a history that Iāll never know. She knows of me in ways I donāt, and I know of her in ways she doesnāt. When youāre apart for long enough, memories are all that keep you tethered. But to lose that light, is to lose part of yourself.
While itās heavy and I feel like Iāve lost a major part of my childhood, I realize the change makes sense. We knew each other last at nine years old. Now, over ten years later, itās natural for us to have grown into different people, and sometimes growth brings changes that donāt mesh well together. Itās not only her appearance, values, and interests that have changed ā mine have too.Ā
Iām not too sure where this experience leaves me. While Iām learning to grapple with a new loss, I know I played a part in it too. The only thing I can think to do is remember our fun times together and cherish the people I know now.Ā
The passage of time is only starting to hit me as I enter my 20th year. Friendships fade. Some last for years, others only days. But I wonāt let this experience turn me into a cynic. Just as I loved and admired my friends of the past, Iāll love and admire my new friends too. Time may take people away, but it also gives. So even if itās not ābest friends foreverā, ābest friends for nowā works for me too.Ā