We’ve all been there at least once before — laying in bed alone, creeping on your current crush’s Facebook photos from his family’s 2010 vacation to North Carolina, wondering why no one has invented bottomless, calorie free chocolate ice cream and watching all six seasons of Gossip Girl that you have on DVD for the second (read: fifth) time. Just as you’re about to click “like” on a four-year-old photo of your newest romantic interest holding a freshly caught fish in one hand and a diet Coke in the other, a light bulb accompanied with a choir of angels goes off in the back of your head, and you remember that Netflix exists! Here at HC, we urge you to delete Tinder for the third time this week and read about why Netflix is and will always be better than any boyfriend could ever be:
1. Netflix will never blow you off for boys night:
With Netflix, it is guaranteed you will never receive a text five minutes before your date was supposed to start, reading something along the lines of, “Hey babe, I’m sorry but I forgot I was watching the game with the guys tonight so I have to cancel.” We’re pretty sure it’s written into the Terms and Conditions somewhere.
2. Netflix will never send you mixed signals:
As long as you’ve got an Internet connection (it doesn’t even have to be your own Internet), Netflix is all yes, all the time. You’ll never have to screen shot its text and mass message all your friends for a decoding session.
3. Netflix will never judge you for your looks:
So what if you look fat in those jeans and can’t remembered the last time you showered? To Netflix, you’re the most beautiful girl in the entire world.
4. Netflix doesn’t care if you don’t call it for a while:Maybe you’ve decided to finally catch up on everything you’ve procrastinated on the past couple days/weeks/months (props to you, girl!). Netflix isn’t going to put out a missing person’s report on you or accuse you of “ignoring them without giving a reason.” Better yet, Netflix will be waiting for you right where you left off!
5. Netflix always respects your decisions:
Netflix may ask if you want to continue watching your seventh hour of Grey’s, but its really just making sure you’re still breathing.
6. Netflix always lets you make the final decision:
It makes friendly suggestions now and again, but in the end lets YOU decide what you want to do. Every. Single. Time.
7. You cannot drunk text/call Netflix:
And when you inevitably do drunk text/call your crush or ex or mother, Netflix is there to comfort you until you’re ready to come out of hibernation.
8. Netflix will never ask you to cook or clean for them:Sick and tired of “women in the kitchen jokes?” Netflix knows. Netflix understands.
9. You’ll never have to do the dreaded “Walk of Shame” back from Netflix’s house:
Mi casa es su casa.
10. You’ll never have to meet Netflix’s family:You know your friend who has to go to an awkward family reunion in a small town in Wisconsin with her significant other? Guess what? That isn’t you.
11. Netflix never expects anything in return: Aside from $8 a month, Netflix will give and give while you take and take and never say a word.
12. Netflix respects your body and your rights:
Netflix will never expect you to “put out,” or send you a two in the morning, “what’s up?” text. It will, however, let you cry over Pride and Prejudice at two in the morning without passing judgment.