This is for all of my introverts out there who get exhausted from even watching people be ‘on’ all the time. Not even being ‘on’ all the time. Watching. Watching them smile and make small talk and socialize willingly. Yes, willingly. What a concept.
You know, college is a unique institution in that you learn more about yourself than you ever thought you would. It is so concentrated with new stimuli that you are quite literally forced to find what you like and don’t like. That is if you do it right. If you remain stagnant and afraid, you’ll develop what I call “no personality”. Therefore, lacking any substance whatsoever and having the same amount of individuality as an almond.
I’ve always known myself to be an introvert. Period. But what even is an introvert? Is it the same thing as a shy person? Is it someone afraid of people? Is it just another way of describing someone who is depressed and anxious? Something to do with social anxiety? All of these revolve around the concept of an introvert. A more formal definition, however, describes an introvert to be someone that is more focused on their personal thoughts and feelings than any part of their external environment.
There are many different types of introversion. But beyond that, there are many different combinations of introversion and extroversion. You can be an extrovert with introverted tendencies. You can be introverted in only some social situations. Regardless of what percentage introvert you are, I’m here to tell you that being an introvert isn’t the worst thing in the world as long as you know how to manage it.
When I was a kid, I was full of life and not afraid of anything. I was constantly hanging out with friends, playing with sports teams, and participating in class. As I grew older, I became more introverted because social perceptions of me came to be important in my life. As with any grown woman, there is constant fear and pressure to fit in and conform to a certain beauty standard, a certain charm, a certain material culture. And now looking back, I regret turning inward as much as I did. I realize that I minimized my comfort zone and it felt like taking one step out of that would be the worst thing to ever happen. In reality, being uncomfortable allows you to grow the most.
And so in college, I really tried working on that part of myself. I put myself out there more and introduced myself to strangers. Who would’ve thought? This is coming from the girl that would turn beet red in class when called on, even when I answered correctly. I hated attention and still do. But, because I was able to understand the limiting tendencies I had of isolating myself and refusing to let people into my circle, I tipped the scale. I will always be partly introverted and want time to myself because people are exhausting animals. I don’t always prefer to go out or to get a bite to eat with a bunch of people. I know that about myself.
I think what is important is that we all examine ourselves. Introverts, after all, are the best at that. And it’s okay to stay in and to be alone sometimes, but we must not neglect the ultimate goal of expanding our comfort zones. Of taking advantage of our college life. Meeting new people. Exchanging information and knowledge. Learning from others. Teaching others. Participating in the culture, no matter how flawed it is at times. We’re all a little introverted, I promise.