Question of the week from: BaffledAndConfused
This guy and I have gone out a few times, and he seems interested in me, but he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend, yet and I’m not sure why. We met in my English class and seemed to hit it off right away. He compliments me a lot, and takes the time to text me to start a conversation. My roommate knows him and his group of friends, and she said he talks to a lot of different girls and not to waste my time with him. It seems like he really likes me, but now I’m wondering if he is just leading me on. How do I know if he actually likes me or if he is just playing me?
Her Advice:
Dear BaffledAndConfused, I’m sure every girl reading this has been in a similar situation. I know there have been moments where I throw my hands up in frustration and in an exasperated voice exclaim, “Boys are so confusing!”
But the truth of the matter is, we make ourselves confused by over thinking things! We start building a relationship with a guy and start thinking about what lies ahead rather than taking the relationship a day at a time.
It seems to me that you were on the right track with this guy before your roommate added her two cents. To answer your first question: I do think he likes you, and wants to play this out to see where it goes.
To put it simply, he probably wouldn’t put in an ounce of effort if he wasn’t interested in you. Let’s look at the facts. He is texting you, and drawing you into conversation, and you guys are spending time together. Those are all great signs of a blossoming relationship.
I know you are concerned about him not asking you to be his girlfriend yet, but try not to over think this and make assumptions about his feelings for you. It’s very possible that he is just trying to figure out what his deeper feelings for you actually are, and does not want to commit to a relationship until he knows for a fact that he is ready to make what you two have “Facebook official.”
As for your roommate’s opinion, you need to ask yourself one question: Have you seen with your own eyes him flirting and hanging out with a lot of other girls? If you haven’t, you shouldn’t worry about him playing you unless you have seen this behavior yourself. If you have seen him hang out with other girls either in person or through Facebook pictures, isn’t it possible that he is just a friendly guy who can make friends with both girls and guys?
While your roommate may have had good intentions in saying what she did, her opinion shouldn’t make you jump to the conclusion that while he is with you, he is sweet-talking another girl or two on the side.
My ultimate advice: Don’t over think it. If you like him, then continue talking and hanging out and see where it takes you. Don’t let what your roommate says cloud your judgment about a guy who has done nothing but show interest in getting to know you, even if it is slower process than you were hoping for. But going slow is by no means a bad thing.
If you don’t believe me, my boyfriend and I talked for three months before actually making it official, and we’ve been together for over four years now! Taking your time and actually building a solid foundation before entering a relationship is better than carelessly falling into one.
His perspective:
Dear BaffledAndConfused, the situation you find yourself in is a fairly common one amongst college aged females, and it can also be a relatively complicated situation too. It seems what might be most useful here is a look into the male brain, where we will try to decode his confusing behavior.
Most guys your age grew up with a similar image of what college life was like. With movies like American Pie, Old School, and Animal house, combined with the media’s portrayal of the typical party going, drunk college student, it’s hard for kids and teenagers to not envision college as a fun, carefree, nonstop party full of sex, alcohol and adventurous excursions. Lots of high-schoolers couldn’t wait to go to college, for exactly the reasons listed above. So it should come as no surprise then that the majority of college guys aren’t entirely focused on getting a girlfriend, especially younger college students. I’m not saying that all guys in college are like this, just that this is a mentality that is commonly shared amongst them at some point in their college careers. Some guys just aren’t interested in becoming exclusive with a girl, and therefore don’t have a problem with flirting with the many available college girls.
Secondly, let’s look at the idea that he’s leading you on. Being a guy myself, I can tell you that no guy flirts with a girl with the intention of crushing her relationship hopes. Most guys don’t derive enjoyment from making girls think they like them, when they really don’t. If a guy is flirting with you, it can mean that he’s interested in you, or he can be flirting with you because thats the only way he knows how to talk to girls, or he could be somewhere in between, or even something completely different. My suggestion is to not worry a great deal about the exact intentions of every compliment or the consequences of him texting you a smiley face. He may be trying to gauge his feelings towards you, he may be flirting just to have fun, or he may not even realize he’s flirting.
If one day you two start going steady, then that is great. Maybe one day you’ll be in a relationship, or maybe one day you’ll both stop talking to each other. It’s hard to tell what a guys intentions are when he starts to flirt, so my advice is to not take over think things, or take things too seriously.