It happened. Again. You met this totally awesome guy; he’s funny, smart, knows how to have a good time, cute and he actually talks to you. Your desperate late-night prayers have finally been answered, with one exception: he’s yet to make the first move. You have a Pinterest board dedicated to your wedding and already picked out your future childrens’ names. You’ve even inquired about availability at Kumler Chapel!
However, he’s a little late to the party and hasn’t even done as much as take you out for a ceremonial pumpkin spice latte. You’re conflicted. Obviously, he’s your Prince Charming. And (hopefully) obviously, the U.S. Postal Service decided to take a day off and your glass slipper is waiting patiently for its delivery. Before you start consulting with the astrological gods and your 2nd pint of Ben & Jerry’s, check out HC’s pros and cons of asking him out yourself!
Pro #1. Female empowerment — take charge of the situation! Ruth Gordo once said, “courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened with use.” Taking the first step and asking him out gives you the chance to grow stronger as a woman and as a person — even if he says no! If you find yourself sitting around and waiting for the guy to take charge, there’s a chance he never will, even if he wanted to and would’ve said yes if you had taken charge. You never know what you’re capable of until you at least try.
Pro #2. He may actually like you but be too nervous to do anything about it.Whether it’s public speaking, spiders or trans-fats, we all have those things that just don’t quite sit right. As young women, we have to accept that in the case of romantic interests and that thing may just so happen to be you. As convenient as it would be for men to be emotionally invincible in these circumstances, we all know that boys have feelings too. Plus, how cute would it be to get to tell your two future children, “your dad was so nervous … so I had to do it!”
Pro #3. He may be totally oblivious that you like him and not want to risk rejection himself.Let’s be honest ladies, we all love a cute boy, but just because we aren’t taping photos of them to our ceilings doesn’t mean they’re always the most observant of creatures. Sometimes there’s a fine line between, “she’s just being friendly,” and, “she’s being flirty,” even if we can clearly see the difference. If he doesn’t pick up on the fact that you like him, the chances of him breaking the bread over breakfast at First Stop greatly decreases. By making the first move, you may be totally making his entire week.
Pro #4. Total confidence booster.You hit send on that one fateful text: “Would you want to go out and get coffee or dinner with me sometime?” No turning back. You feel as though you sent it hours ago, but in reality it’s only been about 25 seconds. Your phone rings. “I would love to!” Your heart sings. It’s a feeling comparable to waking up and having all your acne gone or acing a test you “forgot” you had. If he says yes, not only will you not have to download another Taylor Swift album but you’ll also be the girl who put another dent in gender stereotypes. Your phone will flood with boy advice from all your friends, their friends and even random people you don’t know. One small step for woman, one giant leap for womankind.
Con #1. False alarm. He isn’t Prince Charming.So you take that giant leap of faith. You ask him out and fortunately for you and your self-esteem, he says yes! At least you thought this was fortune. You settle on meeting for lunch where you discover he has the diet of an 8-year-old boy and chews with his mouth open, or you go to a movie and find out he’s the type of person who feels it’s his duty to narrate the entire film. Not only were you the one to ask him out, but now you have to be the one to politely let him down AND resume your search for your #mcm worthy Miami Merger.
Con #2. The only time he wants to hang out occurs between the hours of 10 p.m. and 4 a.m. This sometimes hurts more than a full-on rejection. He says yes, and in your mind you envision something simple — coffee, lunch, a private jet that takes you to a beach followed by a long walk — you know, the normal first date activities. He, however, envisions a potentially drunken booty call on an otherwise quiet Monday night. No matter how discouraging we all know this can be, it’s only ever a reflection on the guy, not you. With over 17,000 people on campus, odds are one of them is male and will care about how your day went.
Con #3. He gets lazy.Boyfriend: Check. Text messages: No check. Calls: No check. Sign of life: No check. Though a girl taking charge and making the first move is not and never will be justification for a guy taking a mental leave of absence, it’s a potential outcome. You making the first move may mean to him that you’re going to make every move, which is about as annoying as it sounds. Sometimes this can be fixed with a simple conversation, but other times you have to start from square one. But if you really think about it, do you really want to be with someone who can’t muster up the strength to text you, “Hello?”
Con #4. Rejection. This probably seems like your worst nightmare, and with good reason. No one wants to get rejected. It reads, “you aren’t good enough.” However, what it means in this situation is you just aren’t what that one guy was looking for. And that’s okay! Not every attraction is meant to develop into a relationship. Rejection doesn’t make you a bad person; it just means you may not be their person (thank you Grey’s Anatomy). Unless you’re Mila Kunis, you will probably experience rejection from a guy at one point or another. If you need inspiration, head over to our Campus Cuties page and give your eyes a much-needed treat.