What to do if You Didn’t Get the Sorority You Wanted

Sorority recruitment at Miami ended last weekend. After two seemingly never-ending weeks full of anxiety, awkward small talk and stressing about making the best first impression possible, every girl participating was supposed to find her new home. But what happens if, after all that, you don’t feel like you got the right bid? What happens if the system that we’re supposed to trust didn’t work? 

Personally, this exact experience happened to me freshman year. 

I went through recruitment with all my friends. I talked about the things you were supposed to talk about – my hobbies, passions, plans for my future, friends and family – and avoided the taboo topics. I bought new clothes for recruitment to try to make a fashion statement that still showcased my personality. I kept an open mind and tried to forget what I had heard about the tier system on campus. I even liked recruitment! I loved meeting new people and feeling like at the end of all this I would finally have a place at this school.

By the time pref round came around, I thought I knew which sorority I was going to be in. I loved its philanthropy, had great conversations with every girl I met in previous rounds and really saw myself there. But afterward, my mind was totally scrambled. I didn’t like that sorority as much as I thought I had after pref and I then fell in love with a new one. The girls in this other sorority made me feel really wanted. They even told me that if I preffed them, there was no way I wouldn’t become a member because they loved me that much. So, when the time came to make my final selection, it was clear where I thought I belonged – with the girls who made me feel special. 

On bid day, I got together with the girls in my rho gamma group who wanted to be in that same sorority to open our bids. We began to plan what it would be like once we were real members. But when the countdown ended and we all ripped open our envelopes, the girls next to me yelled and hugged each other as my eyes filled with tears. 

I didn’t get in. 

Something no one wants to talk about is what happens to those of us who don’t feel at home on bid day. So, for those of you who fall into this category, here are some tips:

Give it a chance

It might not have been your top choice, but most likely, if a house made it to your final round it had at least some qualities you liked. Even if you hated the sorority during recruitment, you don’t know who will be in your pledge class. They might be super cool and you have no idea! So, even if you don’t want to, give it a few weeks to decide. Go to the new member events, get to know the new girls, keep an eye out for your potential big and just try! If, after pledging, you decide it’s not for you, then hey! At least you tried.

Forget the tier system

I think something that a lot of people get hung up about is how “good” the sorority is. If you didn’t get into the top house on campus, who cares?! It doesn’t matter what other people think is cool as long as you’re having fun. 

Join other clubs

Greek life doesn’t have to be the only thing you do. I’m sure you have other interests than frat parties and sisterhood. So, go out for an intramural or join a student org. If your sorority doesn’t look like it’s going to be the place you make your best friends, there are other options.

Re-rush

So, let’s say you give your sorority a chance and after a couple of weeks you’re still like “yeah, no. This is not for me.” If you drop out before you get initiated, you can rush again! Doing recruitment twice is definitely not for the faint of heart. You will have to go back to all the sororities you saw the first time and even the one you got a bid from. So, if you just know that there is a different sorority for you, doing it a second time might be worthwhile. 

I’m no longer in my sorority. I dopped the first semester of my senior year. I got a big and a little whom I love, I met my best friend through the recruitment process, and I made a lot of acquaintances who I can say “hi” to on campus. Greek life didn’t change my life for the better. But it also didn’t negatively affect it. What I’m saying is, it doesn’t really matter. You will find your friends where you find them, so if you don’t love the sorority you’re in, don’t sweat it.