In the past three weeks, I have had two girls call me and tell me they are not enough – one even told me she was too much. Women are always categorizing themselves in this way; their fulfillment of other people’s needs over their own. You find yourself not to be enough when you break down, when you cry, when you need to scream because you needed to ask for help instead of giving it. You are too much when you break down, when you cry, when you need to scream because you needed to ask for help instead of giving it.
We are always being categorized in negatives. What happened to being enough? What happened to living? Why is there this constant fear of exhausting those around you with your emotions when you can no longer carry the pain of others and your own on your back? Women are constantly surpassing expectations, loving more than one could think imaginable, and giving until they no longer have anything else to give, so why are three of the strongest, smartest, bravest, and kindest girls coming to me and telling me that they are not good enough, that they never will be?
I could go into detail and explain how the perception of women in media, in literature, in music instill this feeling in women. How men have perpetuated the imagery of women as caretakers and nurturers over that of a person. How when I was 11, I read a book where the happy ending was a woman agreeing to stay with her abusive husband because “he needed her”. I could talk about how I have been told the exact same thing too, that my ex-boyfriend told me that having to love me was exhausting, that I was too much. I am going to paraphrase that though, because I am sure you have heard it before.
Instead, I want to say: look around you. Think of someone, real or fictional, that you admire. What are they like? Are they strong, loving, caring? Are they smart, brave, funny? Is it someone you are or would be proud to call a friend? Now consider this, you are that person. And, maybe you don’t feel like it, but I can promise you that you are that person for someone. You are enough. You are everything anyone could have ever asked for, and to be quite frank, fuck everyone who said or made you feel as if you were not.
The girls that came to me over the past month are those women for me. They are women I aspire to be like, women I could not possibly put on higher pedestals. They have hard times, they make mistakes, they yell and scream and cry, but most importantly, they love as if they will never be able to again, they are smart, they are strong, they are confident, they are funny, and they are brave against all odds. I cherish the women in my life because they are human, because they fail and get right back up, because they could never not be enough. You are enough. You are like them, and, while it is hard to see yourself as your own hero, as a woman you idolize, you are like her in more ways than you think. You are, and will always be enough.