As a senior in college, I can say that I have struggled with one issue consistently throughout my academic career. No, it is not the stress that accompanies finals week, nor fighting the urge to skip class in order to get a little extra sleep. Instead, it is the fear of failure.
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If anyone asked my friends which word they would choose to describe me, they would all provide the same answer: perfectionist.
This is because I have always strived to be the best (not just better than my peers, but the best) at everything I do.
For example, because I was homeschooled prior to college, I had to take standardized tests to measure my academic growth. So, it was my goal to finish those tests before my peers did, just to flaunt the fact that I knew all the answers.
That worked well for a while. I was praised by my parents, friends, and academic evaluators for being so bright. Naturally, that all went to my head. I became so confident in my abilities that I began procrastinating and producing thrown-together work for my classes. I still received straight A’s and praise from my mentors, all without really trying.
However, that all changed when I began college.
Within the first week, I found myself in way over my head. My professors expected much more from me than I was used to giving, assignments were more detailed, and I found myself surrounded by students who were just as academically-inclined as I was, if not more so. I felt threatened.
I went into panic mode, spending my nights critiquing my work for the smallest assignments, determined to be recognized for my efforts. When I got a C on a first draft in my English Composition class, I was crushed. I hid in the first-floor bathroom of Hash, called a friend, and cried. I felt like I was failing, like I couldn’t handle the demands of college.
That was when I realized that my work-load wasn’t the problem; I was the problem. I put so much pressure on myself that I genuinely couldn’t enjoy college and the freedoms it afforded. I wasted hours struggling to complete simple assignments because of my fear of being inadequate. If I wanted to enjoy college at all, I knew I would have to change.
Thankfully, I made that change. Although I haven’t completely let go of my perfectionist tendencies, I haven’t let them take control of my life like they once did. Instead, I remind myself it is okay to fall short occasionally.
As a senior, I have finally realized that college is a balancing act between self-care and success.
As author Denis Waitley said, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It … is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
If you find yourself grappling with this or a similar issue, please know that you are not alone! Some of the world’s greatest innovators and public figures have faced the sting of failure before. The difference is that they never stopped getting back up when they were knocked down, never stopped working, and never let their fear of failure hinder their dreams. I encourage you to do the same, collegiettes.