As a warning, this article’s purpose is solely intended to inform you based on the writer’s individual experiences and their opinions. In no way shape or form are they trying to convince you in any way or make you seem like a bad person. Thank you.
My first funeral I remember attending was my Uncle Karl’s. I remember crying out in pain, weeping uncontrollably and honestly not grasping the idea that he was gone forever. I was about 6 or 7. The things I remember the most at that specific funeral was his cold face smiling so sweetly, and my entire family crying non-stop. I remember because everyone else was crying so intensely, it made me cry harder and harder. There are many reasons why my mom brought me to that and many other funerals as a child, but I am here to say why this should not happen.
Trauma. That simple. Seeing essentially a dead body and people crying is so traumatic for a small child. Our brains aren’t fully developed until our mid-20s, so the fact that we as small children are trying to grasp the idea that someone we were so close to is never coming back is a heartbreaking thing. Not only that, but even if we do not know the person, why are we being forced to such a heartbreaking event?
You may think or might have been taught that going to a funeral with your loved ones is a sign of respect for celebrating one’s life. Yes, I agree, but as a parent or guardian, what makes you think your toddler needs to witness this specifically?
In my opinion, I think a suitable age to take your child(ren) to a funeral service would be mid-teen years, possibly 14-16 years old to start. I only say this because this is when we as adolescents start to understand and process certain emotions. This is also beneficial because in order to process these feelings, the adolescents can communicate way better than a toddler can. Therefore, the trauma would be less visible in them because they actually had the chance to process something rather than go through it and not understand completely what is happening. Of course, trauma can always sneak up on us and I am not saying that your child(ren) will never have it if you follow my advice, I am simply saying that there are better chances that the trauma will essentially be less traumatic.
As I got older, going to funerals was not so traumatic. I personally did not want to show my emotions as much as I used to, however I would still cry and be filled with sorrow. Life is such a beautiful thing no matter what, and when it ends, it is almost like the world is slowly stopping everything in its tracks. I want everyone who reads this to know that showing your emotions is not a sign of weakness. It is so healthy to share and process your emotions because almost everyone knows what happens if you “bottle up” those deep feelings. I am still learning that being open, period, will save you more time from anxiety, depression and even guilt to name a few. Hopefully this opens all of your eyes in some way, whether it encourages you to process your emotions more or even changing your views on taking your kids to funerals/ possible traumatic events.
HCXO,
Ace