The college age in itself is something of a gray area.
From the ages of 18 to 22 there’s this idea and claim that we’re all grown up, independent. However, in most of the things this age group encounters, it’s their first time encountering it.
Most of us have never covered our own rent. Many of us still call our moms at every minor inconvenience. Most of us text our parents when our throats get sore and we need to know which cold medicine would be most effective.
We, in our lives, are in a gray area. Not quite totally independent, but still free to do what we please when we please.
This newfound freedom makes it easier than ever to be as noncommittal and as dedicated to self-interest as we want. There’s no one looking over our shoulder, constantly guiding us to do the right thing and for some, this creates the perfect opportunity to enjoy the world of “casual” dating, situationships, talking stages and just plain one-and-dones.
An issue arises from the fact that not everyone has the outlook of casual when it comes to relationships. Some never got to experience that first teenage love, and are still on the search for it, others are looking for their life-long partner.
And when these people meet the people of the casual dating world, it can all end in a lot of pain and resentment.
From trial and error, here are some strategies to navigate the gray area. Hopefully they can keep you from getting lost in it.
Know what you want, or at least that you don’t know what you want.
Transparency with yourself and the person you are involved with is what will keep both of you protected and happy. If you want something real, tell them that. The worst they could say is they don’t want that and you know that they’re not the person for you, at least for now.
Set emotional boundaries.
What if one of you doesn’t know what you want? The best way to approach this is to not let yourself hold out too much that they’ll make a choice, or fall madly in love or the other way around. Sure, keep them in your life, hang out and see how things progress. Just keep the idea in the back of your mind that this could end messily, and allow yourself to not narrow yourself to this one opportunity.
Remember your worth.
If you find yourself waiting, hoping that things will change, remember that you have a life to live and goals to accomplish. Know when it’s time to let go. When it feels like they’re only calling you when it benefits them, that may be a sign to leave and focus on yourself and your friendships. There’s too much fun to be had in life to be someone’s back up plan.
Avoid the ghost.
Ghosting is too simple of a way to end something that one or both of you once cared about. Hold yourself to the standard you would want them to meet if roles were reversed. If you’re ready to move on, tell them, and if they are, expect them to tell you as well.
In this gray area of love life, of not knowing exactly what you’re looking for at such a young age, it’s important to be careful with your emotions and the emotions of others. Don’t be guarded, but don’t be naive to the world around you.
Remember that you deserve love, and everyone’s on their own journey in this life. Try not to hold a grudge to those that may just not see the same vision as you.