I love the holidays. I love watching the Macy’s Day Parade, football, and Christmas movies. I love eating mashed potatoes and candy canes. I love decorating my Christmas tree.
I do not love being forced to listen to your political opinion.
With the holidays coming up, many of us are going home and seeing friends, family, and extended family who share different political opinions than us. Many of these people may also be quick to share their opposing, and sometimes controversial, views. Even if you agree with what they are saying, you might still feel uncomfortable. After all, politics and Santa Claus aren’t exactly an ideal mix.
So, here’s a guide for navigating politics during the holidays.
The most important thing is to use your best judgment and not overreact. The last thing you want to do is yell at someone and either get in trouble or be permanently branded as “overreacting” or “brash.” Staying calm and being mature and respectful is the usually best way to be heard and taken seriously. It also helps you feel like you’re in control even if you’re not. Plus, people can’t say you’re “crazy” if you’re not…being crazy. (Crazy, right?)
But I get it. Sometimes, you morally have to argue back or storm out. I respect that. It’s important to draw that boundary—you have a right to protect your emotional well-being. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and to the right people.
The easiest way to determine how to navigate political conversations is by asking yourself: Who? What? When/Where?
Who is saying things?
Is it a family friend that you highly respect? A parent you don’t feel comfortable around? Your little sister? Your best friend? The uncle you dread seeing once every five years?
It’s important to determine what your relationship is with the person who is speaking because that will determine how you respond. If someone you have a positive relationship with is being overly political, your best response might be to ask them to change subjects, tell them that they are making you uncomfortable, or even *politely* push back a little bit. You want to approach them with more respect and give them the benefit of the doubt—you might have misunderstood your friend or favorite family member.
If it’s someone you don’t know as well (like a random uncle because let’s be real, it’s always the random uncle), you might want to subtly redirect the conversation or just ignore them. I wouldn’t recommend leaving unless it’s someone you barely see and don’t respect.
What are they saying?
There’s a big difference between a person saying something you don’t agree with, and someone saying something racist, homophobic or misogynistic.
If they’re saying something you simply don’t like, but not something that offends your morals, you might want to consider leaving it alone or gently redirecting the conversation. After all, sometimes it’s best to pick your battles.
But, if it’s something morally egregious you can’t let go of, don’t be afraid to correct them, defend your position, or even just leave the room. You don’t have to sit there and listen to someone disrespect or threaten your friends, family, or even yourself.
When/Where are they saying it?
Yes, timing and location do matter. Are your uncles making some tasteless comments five beers deep while watching a football game in the living room? First, eww. Second, maybe just roll your eyes. This is a more voluntary space—I’m hoping no one is forcing you to watch the Dallas Cowboys lose.
Or is your mother loudly sharing her unsavory opinions in the middle of family dinner where no one can escape? This might be an example of a redirection.
Some people are tactful enough to know that politics usually don’t belong at the dinner table, but other more informal environments, like the kitchen, living room, den or porch might be fair game for political talk.
Taking Care of Yourself
Conversations can get pretty heated, especially when family is involved, so it’s important to make sure that you take care of yourself.
First off, prepare for the gathering. If your family is like mine, you can literally predict their actions verbatim. If you know some family drama is about to go down, prepare. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable but confident. Whether that’s getting all dolled up or wearing your favorite sweatshirt, it’s important to feel your best—you are your own safe space.
When the inevitable situation arises, check in with yourself. Ask yourself how you are feeling. If it’s a family gathering, maybe ask questions like: Do I need to go to the bathroom? Go to my room for five minutes? Scroll on Instagram? Pet my dog? Eat a cookie?
But if you’re lucky enough to have everyone there for several days, weeks, or *years*, you might ask yourself: Can I pick up the groceries from the store? Go to a friend’s house? Study or complete homework—alone? Pet my dog (it’s very therapeutic)? Move to Switzerland?
Gauge how you are feeling. You don’t have to be ready to debate your aunt at family dinner, answer nosey questions at church, or defend yourself to your brother all Winter Break. It really is okay to say “screw this” and walk away. It is also completely okay to break down and cry. There is no shame in not being able to do it all the time.
After the holidays are over, hopefully you got at least one good present or had one good serving of mac and cheese to make up for all the drama. Celebrate the fact that you made it! At least physically!
Take a nice long shower or bath to fully detox that negative energy. If organizing things makes you feel in control, maybe offer to take down the decorations for your family in exchange for them leaving the house (forever?). Curl up by the fireplace and read a good book. Drink a matcha latte or some tea. Binge Netflix for three days straight. Bake. Smile. Laugh. Do whatever you need to do to relax, rejuvenate, and reset.
Or maybe just move to Switzerland.