Two things have happened to me recently. One: my heart and soul were ripped out by (spoiler!) Derek’s recent death on “Grey’s Anatomy,” and two: I realized that I have to be in a bikini in three days. You can understand how these are both very upsetting. So in honor of Derek and the rest of the crew… Here’s what happens when you realize it’s bikini season.
1. Panic. I DON’T WANT TO WEAR A BIKINI, DAMNIT.
You experience the struggle of either buying a new bikini or trying on your old ones to make sure they fit and still look good. I swear, once Victoria’s Secret releases their new swimsuit catalogue every year, women get a slight buzz of competiveness as they all run out. I experienced the backlash of this when I received my new bikini I ordered in December last week.
2. Once you put on the bikini, you notice every single flaw that others probably can’t even see.
I’m just saying, my butt does not look like this.
3. You try to calculate how you can lose x number of pounds in a ridiculously small amount of time.
Well, I could work out three times a day and eat only salads.
4. But then you try your suit on for your friends and realize that you are sexy just the way you are.
I am hot and my curves are luscious = the mantra I repeat in my head every time I take off my cover-up.
5. Lastly, you turn the head of every single male on that pool deck.
At least, that’s what happens in my head.