Creativity Crutch – My Caffeine Dependency
Unfortunately, I was extremely addicted to caffeine in high school because I thought it fueled my creativity. I did broadcast and photography all through high school. I had a routine to maximize every second of my 1.5-hour class period. The moment I cracked open an energy drink and the fizz hit my tongue, my brain switched into hyperdrive, and I was ready to work.
In April 2024, I decided to stop drinking energy drinks because they were starting to affect my mental and physical health. But without them, I ran into an unexpected dilemma. For years, my routine had been simple: sit in my chair, open an energy drink and get into work mode. Without that ritual, I felt unmotivated to do any kind of creative work. I started to wonder if my creativity and work ethic had disappeared for good.
It wasn’t until late last year, when I started drinking energy drinks again, that I felt a sudden surge of creative energy. I opened my laptop and started writing and editing again, but I didn’t want to be stuck in this hamster wheel of dependency. That’s when I knew I had to make a change. I wanted to establish a creative process that didn’t rely on caffeine, so I started cutting back on energy drinks again.
I didn’t want to be stuck in this hamster wheel of dependency
Looking back, I realize that energy drinks weren’t just a tool to keep me alert; they were a crutch to survive a stressful environment. My broadcast classroom was cliquey, and I never truly felt like I belonged. To compensate, I worked extra hard to prove myself, creating a negative cycle where my self-worth became tied to my work speed and output. The caffeine made me feel like I could keep up, like I was worthy of being there. But that also meant that when I quit, I wasn’t just losing energy drinks—I was losing the thing that made me feel capable in a competitive space.
Without that external push, I felt drained and almost like a zombie trying to work. I got into an unhealthy mentality where I felt too overwhelmed to get anything done. It reinforced the idea that I could never be productive on my own without an artificially boost. That’s when I realized that if I wanted to build a sustainable creative process, I had to start from scratch.
New Processes
One of the first things that helped was getting into a writing class. Even though the writing class was required for my major, it brought me a lot of peace and clarity. For a long time, I didn’t feel like an adequate writer, and being in the class helped me feel more confident in my abilities.
Another major shift was taking inspiration from slower-paced content. I started watching Emma Chamberlain’s videos and listening to her podcasts, and they encouraged me to take a more relaxed approach to work. Instead of powering through, I learned to step away from my work and let ideas flow naturally. Giving my thoughts time to develop made a huge difference.
I also changed my routine by replacing the ritual of drinking an energy drink with something else to signal the start of my work—iced-cold water or matcha. The cold sensation and the simple act of opening a bottle or inserting a straw maintained that sense of routine without the caffeine crash.
Root of the problem
The biggest shift, though, was finding the root of the problem. Why did I feel the need for an energy drink in the first place? The simple answer: I felt insecure about my work and thought caffeine made me more efficient. But speed isn’t everything. Some of the best creative work happens when you take your time, develop ideas and trust your process.
To reinforce that idea, I made sure I had projects outside of school—ones that didn’t have deadlines just spaces where I could experiment and improve without pressure. Some of my best work has come from these side projects because they let me create for the sake of creating, rather than to meet a deadline.
That said, I still wrestle with perfectionism and self-doubt. Even with consistent writing—whether for Her Campus or my Substack—I question whether my work is good enough or if it’s truly pushing me forward in my career. It’s easy to believe that the things I enjoy don’t “count” as real progress, but I’m learning that every piece I write sharpens my skills and builds my portfolio. The best way to improve is through repetition, and every project is a step forward, even if I don’t always see it at the moment.
Moving forward
Now, I have a much better relationship with my work. While I still work hard, I also allow myself to slow down, step away when needed and let my work sit so I can refine it. Balance has helped me create in a way that feels sustainable, not exhausting.
This journey is still ongoing. I haven’t fully cracked the code, but I’m learning that creativity doesn’t have to be a race. It’s okay to take your time, to slow down and to find new ways to engage with your work that don’t rely on external crutches. If you’re struggling with something similar, try shifting your environment, experimenting with new rituals and giving yourself permission to take a breath. Creativity thrives when you give it space to breathe.
Most importantly, don’t let self-doubt convince you that your work doesn’t matter. Every word you write, every video you create, every project you pour yourself into—it all adds up. Even if it doesn’t feel like progress right away, trust that it is. Keep going and keep creating, because your work is worth it.
don’t let self-doubt convince you that your work doesn’t matter.