In the spirit of reflecting on my previous semesters, I decided to Write a Letter about my PWI college experience.
To whoever takes the time to read this,
In light of almost officially hitting the halfway mark of my college degree, I wanted to reflect on my time at MU and how I’ve navigated the highs and the lows of being a minority on a predominantly white campus. Writing has always been an outlet of reflection for me, and with the small platform I’ve been given, I wanted to share some of my thoughts.
Here’s a letter of reflection:
Full disclosure, MU was the only school I applied to for college. My senior year went up in flames because of COVID-19, but I knew I wanted to go to school for journalism. So, I did my research, went on Niche, applied for school and that was all she wrote. Mizzou has a very special meaning to my family. Each of them loves this school and the sports teams, and as a first-generation college student, it meant the world to them that I got into its journalism school to pursue a college-level degree. While a vast majority of my experience has been happy and everything you dream college to be, there are lows.
Mizzou, as an institution, is built fundamentally to not favor people of color. There is a lot of deep-rooted, hateful history embedded in the university that individuals actively work their damndest to uphold. I get up every day and get my education and succeed just to spite them. It’s exhausting, but I will continue to fight the good fight.
I’ve been in white spaces my whole education career and attending Mizzou has not been my first rodeo of encountering microaggressions and dealing with some difficult situations. It does not bring me discomfort to be the only minority student in a classroom, except for the inevitable racism discussions that always pop up in every class. That’s always a frustrating conversation, and sometimes your white peers might brush the topic off.
However, I think I have gotten a better, more positive takeaway from my experiences here versus when I was younger. Attending college has allowed me to embrace my racial and ethnic identity, but it has also shown me that I do not need to bend over backward to prove it to ANYBODY. The space I choose to take up either in a class, organization or social setting is valuable.
My biggest learning point from joining organizations and navigating college is that you cannot be afraid to take up space in predominantly white areas of your campus. Although, every space is not welcoming or comforting and it’s okay to be conscientious of that. Trial, error and conversation have shown me the safe spaces on campus that I can pop into as I please. Some of these are close-knit communities for minorities that have been a staple for me in my college experience (BlackMizzou, NABJ, ALAS, LBC, etc.). However, I’ve also found the areas that I won’t even touch with a 10-foot pole for the sake of my mental peace. I purposefully don’t walk on the street where a couple of guys screamed the n-word at me from their car last May.
When incidents arise (and believe me, there’s been a couple with both the administration and on social media), I have been lucky to have a great support system of family, friends, professors and colleagues that will speak out and support me through those emotional points. Unfortunately, there will never be a lack of ignorance or prejudices, but I know I’m not alone in my journey at college. And, even though I have tough skin, I have people that will also advocate and elevate my voice when I’m a little too tired.
Embrace the good and the bad. My letter of experience at Mizzou is not to serve as discouragement or encouragement for POCs who wish to attend a PWI school or college in general. I think perspective is always important and lived experience is the best educator regardless of whether it’s your own or others. College is a tough decision, it isn’t for everybody, and the path you choose is yours. I hope your pursuit of higher education, no matter what university or opportunity you end up with, is worth your while. As for me, like I said at the beginning, the majority of my experience has been great. I’ve been able to get some amazing opportunities and meet a lot of genuine people. A few bad apples haven’t ruined college or Mizzou for me.
As a person of color, your college degree matters not only to you but the people who came before you and the people who come after you. My two biggest motivators for continuing college are:
1. I’m here to earn my degree. I’m more than worthy of being at Mizzou and the opportunities I have received and will continue to receive will be more than worth it when I finish my degree here.
2. I enjoy the idea of making a lot of old, dead white men roll in their graves at the simple IDEA that I highly succeed at a university that was built after the Louisiana Purchase and didn’t have black students attend until 1950. My degree and accolades do and will be a big middle finger to those who wish for me to fail, simply because I’m Brown and Black.
HCXO, Gabby <3