Long distance relationships are hard. Trust me, I would know – I was in one for almost two and a half years. Which, my ex might see this, so heyyyy (this is lowkey embarrassing). The first thing I tell people about long distance is do not do it unless you have to have patience, trust, strong communication and are able to see a future with your partner. That’s what I had for a long time.
The first thing people think when you tell them you are in a long distance relationship is that it won’t last. Again, I heard this a million times throughout the past few years, especially from people I worked with. I think the stereotype of long distance needs to be squashed. I didn’t experience any of the cheating or whatever you might be thinking about while reading this. The ups and downs of long distance are all a part of the relationship. While long distance relationships might seem atypical and unusual from the outside perspective, there are a lot of good aspects. I’m going to break down both sides and give the full truth of what a long distance relationship is.
I always called myself the queen of long distance because it was true. My ex boyfriend lived on the other side of the planet in an undisclosed location that I won’t be sharing because he is in the military. He was 16 hours ahead of me, so it made things even more difficult. Looking back at our breakup, I do think the distance got to us and now here we are. But it was the best decision.
communication and trust
Communication is one of the biggest things in a long distance relationship. I started my relationship right as I transferred to Mizzou, so our relationship was long distance for most of the time. Whether it was texting throughout the day, talking on the phone every day, FaceTiming or even seeing each other every few months, it was the basis of everything.
One of my good friends in Columbia, Hema Prasad, and her boyfriend have been dating for almost two years – most of their relationship being long distance. It was always great having a friend who knew the same struggles I was going through.
Prasad’s boyfriend is 10 hours ahead of her, which she says makes it more difficult to communicate.
“It is difficult because a lot of the time when I’m awake, he’s sleeping,” Prasad said. “Or when he’s awake, I’m sleeping.”
Prasad says that she tries to keep the windows of time that both her and her boyfriend are awake open for them to FaceTime or talk to each other.
Dating is a big part of communicating and keeping that connection alive. But how do you date when the person is so far away? That’s a good question that I don’t think my ex and I figured out.
I was always looking up TikToks about date nights as a long distance couple. FaceTime dinner dates, cooking, movies and games were all great ideas – if we ever found the time.
As my ex and I both got busier, it was harder to find the time to talk like I wanted to. I wanted to be on FaceTime any chance we got. But with the drastic time difference and only having the weekends to talk for more than an hour, it ended up not being as fulfilling.
Although communication ended up being a huge downfall in our relationship, long distance is great for building a true emotional connection. Everything physical was swept under the rug until we saw each other again.
That brings me to the next part – the homecoming! My ex and I both live in St. Louis and we went to the same high school, so it made it easy when he came home to visit. I think this was probably the most bittersweet time of our relationship. It was great that I got to be in person with him, but I hated sharing him. I knew I couldn’t take up all of his time, so I definitely learned a lot more about being patient.
Prasad says she doesn’t know if she would be able to grow as much with her boyfriend if they weren’t at a distance.
“(The distance) really does force effective communication,” Prasad said. “I would not imagine that he’d be this good at communicating his emotions and feelings at the beginning of our relationship.”
Obviously trust is a huge part of any relationship because if you don’t have trust, what do you have? In a long distance relationship you better crank that trust up one hundred times more than usual. I trusted where he was, what he was doing and who he was doing stuff with.
Trust was never an issue between us; he never gave me a reason to not trust him. I mean, in the military it’s mostly men anyways.
in the end…
OK, so even though there are a lot of factors you have to be aware of in a long distance relationship, the statistics are on your side. According to the New York Post, a 2018 survey found that 58% of long distance relationships last. 88% of people said that technology helped them feel closer to their partner. And with technology always changing, maybe we’ll be able to teleport soon. Who knows?
Prasad thinks that long distance relationships are a lot more doable than people assume – and I agree with her.
“I think about this a lot,” Prasad said. “But if someone else told me that they were in the same situation (as me) and I hadn’t had this experience, I would be like ‘that’s so strange.’”
The biggest challenge Prasad faces with her long distance relationship is missing her boyfriend so much. She says the more you get attached and progress with the person, the more you miss them.
In the end, for Prasad, she believes that long distance relationships have a silver lining. You get to focus a lot on yourself and your individualism.
“He’s not my whole world,”Prasad said. “I think long distance helped me kind of keep that in check, or prioritize myself, which I really appreciate.”
Although my ex and I are broken up, I never regretted any second of our relationship. Like I said, I really did think he was the one, and it is crazy to think I would probably be engaged next year. Overall we just were not a good fit for each other. Sh*t happens. Now in my last few months of college, I am trying to figure out dating and dating in person, for that matter. Maybe being single for a while isn’t the worst thing in the world.