How to Deal With Toxic Family Members This Holiday Season

As the holidays roll around, everybody starts heading to wherever they can call home. Home could be your birth place where your mother and father and little siblings live. It could be where you feel most loved, with a significant other or a friend group. It could be with this side of the family or that side of the family. The holidays are meant to be for going wherever it is that you feel loved, safe and comfortable. 

But it doesn’t always work that way. Unfortunately, some families don’t accept us for who we are. Some loved ones don’t show you the love you deserve to be shown. Some relatives don’t invite you in with open arms and some families argue the whole time, leaving you to feel unwelcome and under appreciated. 

Some people are from families who don’t show them the right kind of love. I, personally, come from a family that does love me, but judges me in ways I am self conscious about. If my hair is too dark (which is the way I like it) or my nails are too shaped or colorful or if I wear the thrift store outfits I enjoy. If any of these things do not perfectly fit their idea of what I should be, they say it and it gets to me, making me feel inadequate. 

Then there is my extended family. They’re al slightly old fashioned, supporters of our current president and just generally less than friendly towards me. I am different than them, obviously, so this is a tough spot for me to sit around the table at holiday dinners and listen to them talk about politics and hunting, spewing all the things I do not believe in. 

There are many families like mine. Families that do not share your political beliefs and show it, families that judge your lifestyle or your clothes and families who do not understand why you want to become an artist instead of a doctor or a lawyer. My family didn’t understand why when I told them I was moving to New York City. It’s bigger than they’ve ever experienced and it’s a private art school, it’s the craziest idea for them. And I can bet many of you feel the same. 

Feeling left out or unwanted within your own family sucks. It feels like you’re an alien in your own home or within your own family. Maybe you even feel more at home when you’re with your friends, significant other or the families of these people. And that’s okay. It’s okay to know what and where you like and don’t like it. It’s healthy even, having the knowledge that you feel better and more comfortable at school or in New York City (or any city) than you do in your small town or childhood home is good knowledge to have, because it helps you figure out where you belong in the long run. 

To better deal with toxic family members this holiday season, you could take these tips into consideration: 

1. Lock your door and read a book or work on some school work.  

2. Take a walk alone or with somebody.  Maybe listen to some music or go to the woods behind your house.  

3. See a hometown friend to mix it up between seeing family.  

4. Have a job over the break to get some time away from home.  

5. Take a winter class.  

6. Watch a movie alone or with your sibling.  

7. Use your shower/bath time wisely.  

8. Go shopping or out to eat alone.  

I hope you know where you belong this holiday season and if you don’t, I hope you find it.

• family
• holidays
• relatives
• toxic