As people, we all like to feel validated in what we pursue. Whether it’s in relationships, extracurricular activities, or in the workforce, knowing that we are doing well is important to our self-esteem. However what happens when we seek validation from the wrong people?
I have spent most of my life trying to please other people first, which isn’t always a terrible thing. Although I got to a point in my life where my incapability to say ‘no’ took a toll on my happiness. I was so concerned with making sure everyone around me was happy that I forgot to “check in” with myself to see if I was pleased—and I wasn’t.
As cheesy as it may sound, happiness is the key to success. Successful relationships, careers, and overall mental health rely so much on being pleased with the person you are. It’s important to consider your own happiness before others because you can only give what you have. If you are not happy, you will not have any happiness to give others.
In the past, I have tried to gain validation from the wrong people. Every time I did not receive the validation that I needed, I would get upset. I gave a lot of my energy to people who did not deserve it and wondered why I could not receive any from that person. The constant craving for attention from people who did not care much about my feelings blinded me from noticing the validation I was receiving from the people who mattered.
Never give someone more time than they are willing to give you. Learning this lesson was a difficult and tedious process, but now I value my time. If you are trying to learn this lesson, remember that it takes time and patience to grow. It will happen, but you need to trust and be aware of yourself.