Losing a friend is never easy. Losing a best friend is even worse. While you have them in your life, you imagine what it would be like without that person, without being able to have them by your side through the most important times in your life. Then, one day, your thoughts become your reality. While losing friends may be common throughout all stages of your life, knowing this doesn’t take away the pain and heartbreak.
I’ve lost friends I thought I’d have by my side as I married the man of my dreams. Friends I thought my future kids would call their “aunt.” Friends I thought I’d have by my side through my toughest times. I’ve lost my “person”—the Christina Yang to my Meredith Grey. It hurts just as bad as a break-up. It hurts the most when the drunk mushy texts at 2am on a Saturday night stop, reminding you how much they love and appreciate you. Or when the phone calls about the boy who “liked” their picture stop. Or when you realize you can’t call them to vent about the drama in your life. It also hurts the most when you can’t tell them about the exciting things that happen in your life. After four years of saving, I finally bought my first car last weekend and people I had dreamed about that day with are no longer in my life. I’ll never be able to share this time with them and knowing that truly hurts.
I always tend to blame myself when things go wrong. Did I not give enough effort? Did I do something to offend them? How could I have been a better friend? But at the end of the day, sometimes you just have to realize that some people are just not meant to stay in your life forever.
I strongly believe that people come and go from your life as they are supposed to and each friendship you have is meant to teach you a lesson: how to be a better friend, what type of people you may not get along with, how to make future friendships work, etc. Some of my friends have shown me how to be a stronger woman, how to get through my first breakup, and how to stand up for what I want, and chase after my dreams. One friend told me that I can only make decisions based off what I want and need and to stop thinking about what everyone else wants for me. To that friend—I will thank you for the rest of my life.
The most important lesson I’ve learned in this process is that not everyone has the same definition of a “friend” and not everyone shows love the same way you do. What I may think a good friend would do, may not be the same as others may think. Does that mean either of us are wrong? No, it just means we may not have the same values and beliefs. And that’s 100% okay.
Though in the past I would often blame myself for my broken friendships, it’s been my true friends who helped me realize that everything happens for a reason. I’m 22 years-old, and I may not have as many friends as the typical college girl. While I love having friends, I also cherish and appreciate the time I have to myself. I like being able to be alone and not feel lonely. Through my broken friendships, I’ve learned how to love myself and feel more comfortable in my own skin. I won’t do things I dislike just to fit in with the crowd. I’ve done that before and ended up partying until 5am multiple nights a week when my shift started at 10am, because my friends would tell me “you can’t go home now, who cares about work?” I won’t feel pressured to call out of work so I don’t miss out on the next event. I won’t prioritize my social life over my academics. I won’t feel pressured to do things I don’t like, because my true friends would never ask that of me.
The next time you go through a friend “break-up”, instead of feeling down in the dumps, try and think about the lessons you’ve learned from that friendship. What did they bring to your life that you could benefit from? What would you want to be different next time around? And most importantly, at the end of the day, if you’re still feeling sad, throw on a chick flick and a face mask and grab your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s. It’ll all be okay.