At a time when we’re supposed to be focused on ourselves and finding who we think we want to be in life, a relationship can put our minds in conflicting positions. Do I feel like my soul belongs in California? Yes. Does my boyfriend of three and a half years see himself living in California? No. We tell ourselves we won’t let a significant other influence our major decisions about life, but subconsciously there’s always a little voice reminding us that the big decision could ruin a relationship we have invested so much time and love into. If you’ve come to the decision that you want to spend some time apart from one another, but are unsure of how to go about it, this is a break down a list of reasons why you may want to skip the break and just break up.
Your SO makes you feel guilty for working hard because it means less time with him
This was a major decision maker for me. As a college student who works part-time while starting her own business, I don’t have much time on my hands. People say if you love someone, you’ll make time for them. But at such an important time in one’s life, you should not have to feel the need to make time. It should come naturally to want to spend time with someone. It also lessens that desire when you’re constantly being discouraged and feeling guilty for being a #BossBabe. If you feel like your relationship is holding you back, it is not a supportive environment and you should have that serious talk with your partner. If your SO does not understand, or even attempt to view the situation from your perspective, that’s a red flag that each of your priorities in life don’t align anymore.
The little quirks you used to love have now become big annoyances.
Nothing is more inaccurate than the expression, “They fight like an old married couple, they must be so in love.” Is bickering from time to time common in relationships? Yes. Is being constantly annoyed at one another for small incidences a trait of a healthy relationship? No. If every t-shirt he picks out annoys you and the jokes that used to make you laugh just don’t anymore, it may be time to step back and figure out what you still see in this person.
You are no longer mentally invested in the relationship
This is a feeling that is too often overlooked. Just as a healthy relationship requires physical affection, it also requires mental attention. If your mind is elsewhere when you spend time with your SO and you’re beginning to view date night as a chore, that’s a sign you are just not into it anymore. Every relationship will experience ups and downs, it’s only natural. But it’s about making the decision, as a couple, to work on things and figure it out. If one person does not want to put in the work to save the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before things fall apart. But what I want every girl who reads this to realize is that the day you’re good enough for you is the day you set yourself free. It’s important to do what’s best for you. Is that selfish? Maybe. And your soon-to-be ex will call you that. It’s okay; don’t feel guilty.
You feel as if you are growing apart
If you can both acknowledge that you are simply growing apart, there is a strong chance the friendship does not have to end. I understand how hard it can be to end a relationship when you fear losing your best friend. It’s just that when you start dating so young – senior year of high school for my ex and I – you are not done growing; in fact, your individual growth is just beginning. You should not feel as if you’re holding one another back and if one of you is starting to feel that way, ignoring those feelings will only result in resentment. Be open, be honest and hold your ground. If you truly are meant to be, you will find one another again.
Trust your instinct
This is your life. You know what’s good for you, whether people approve of it or not. Self love takes strength and trust me girl, you have it. Just remember, when you focus on the good, the good gets better.
And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more …