Defined by an abnormal curvature of the spine, scoliosis results in deformity of the body’s appearance, varying in severity. Physical indications of the condition are obvious- disproportion of the shoulders, an uneven waist, tilted rib cage and a prominent lean towards one side. However, the psychological effects scoliosis may have on a patient are often overlooked.
As a sufferer of an idiopathic form, I was not born with a contorted spine. Instead, I was diagnosed at the age of eleven, rapidly approaching the already bumpy road of developmental change ahead. Classified as double major curve, my spine is shaped as an ‘S,’ meaning that the significant degree to which my spine bends is above the surgical threshold. Upon learning about my worsening condition, I was fitted for a Thoracic Lumbar Sacral Orthosis (TLSO) brace, a fancy term for a confining piece of hard plastic extending from the collar bone to pelvic area.
Although it was intended to minimize pain, it emphasized my discomfort with my body’s image. Regardless of differing experiences, as females, each of us can resonate with a sense vulnerability towards ourselves during our pubescent years. A scoliosis patient’s emotions surrounding our appearance is certainly no exception. The limitations in mobility while wearing the back brace were frustrating and stress inducing. Each nonprogressive visit to the doctor’s office is left feeling dejected. Every prolonged glance in the mirror led to a fit of tears and feeling of repulsiveness. Eventually, doctors found the continuation of a brace to be ineffective, partially freeing me from what has become a routine of shame.
I was now faced with the challenge of accepting myself as is, my body unmasked by the plastic that has hid it for so many years. The journey to embracing my spine was not easy but the outcome has had a long-lasting impact. With the support of family and friends, I have found peace within myself to love my body for what is rather than hate it for what it is not. Through this, I have learned that being bent does not mean you are broken.