Being a people pleaser takes up a lot of my days. I’m constantly stressing about if I said the right thing to someone or if they’re mad at me because of something I did. A lot of times, I’m overthinking about something so small they probably can’t even remember. But that doesn’t stop me from not being able to sleep some nights because I’m thinking about something I said a few months ago.
If you’re anything like me, you would say or do anything just to receive validation from someone else. It doesn’t usually consist of anything bad, just simple things like not saying no to plans even if you really don’t want to go or brushing off some comments that might’ve rubbed you the wrong way just so you don’t hurt their feelings. Trust me, this is how I live my life most days. However, what I started to realize this semester was me trying to please everyone else was affecting my campus life. College is a time where you’re supposed to find yourself, but if you’re trying to please others all of the time, you’re only going to be focused on that.
Feeling the need to please everyone isn’t always so bad. This has made my bosses/managers quite happy at most jobs I’ve had, because I’m always their “yes” girl. Making it easier for me to request days off, call out sick and get assigned different tasks while I’m working, because they know I’ll do most things that are asked of me. However, when I sit back and reflect, I realize that I do way too much work for a job.
I’m not only talking about work, but this is one of the biggest examples of how I strive to please everyone in my life. This tactic has followed me to college, and now, I’m greatly trying to work on it. This semester, I’ve been working on people-pleaser needs and trying to minimize them as much as possible. I realized that I spent too much time worrying about what others think about me rather than doing things that I love.
College is a time where your focus is primarily split between academics, friends/family, your social life, but it sometimes lacks focusing on yourself. Everyone in college is extremely different, so trying to please them all can feel like you’re being tugged into five different directions. For me, I stopped focusing on myself but focusing on everyone that I had seen or spoken to that day. Focusing on what I said, if I said it wrong or if what I said upset the one who I was speaking to. I was making everyone happy but forgetting about myself.
One thing I’ve been doing more this semester is saying ‘no’ to anything I don’t want to do or disagree with. This mostly only happens if I feel uncomfortable regarding a situation or like I said, disagree with. I’ve found that I have a lot more time for myself now that I’m not running around like a chicken without a head to show face at everything I said yes to. I’ve had the time to focus on my own interests, academics and self-care. Sophomore year of college is a little more time-consuming than freshman year was and being able to create my daily schedule to suit my own needs has tremendously helped me.
If you feel like you also find yourself worrying too much about pleasing others, my greatest advice is to start saying ‘no’ if you want to. No one’s feelings/emotions matter as much as your own, so you need to prioritize yourself.