If there’s one thing this past year has taught me about friendships, or any type of relationship for that matter, it is that communication is essential. Obviously, people need to communicate in order to have a relationship in the first place. You communicate to make inside jokes, to bond and to learn about one another.
But conflict in our friendships is inevitable, and it’s important you surround yourself with people who love and respect you enough to communicate with you.
Have you ever felt guilty after someone in your life blamed you for a problem they didn’t communicate with you? When people blame us for something, it’s easy to roll over and accept that blame because we want to believe them and become better people.
But I’m here to tell you true friendship stems from respect and consideration. Someone who loves you will not talk about you behind your back, complain about you to other friends or attack you for a minor issue you weren’t even aware of. Instead, someone who loves you will respect you enough to communicate any problems so the two of you, as friends, can work through it together.
A former professor of mine used to tell our class about communication issues he had with his ex-husband. He said his ex-husband would come up with “lists” of things to be mad at him about, with some of those things being extremely minor and in the distant past, never having been communicated as a problem.
My professor said something that day that stuck out to me, “You are human, and you can’t read other people’s minds. Be kinder to yourself.”
The truth is that you are human, and as long as you genuinely try to respect others, you are a good friend. If you truly respect someone and want them to be in your life for a long time, you will communicate problems with them instead of building up resentment or complaints that aren’t fair to them.
If you are having communication issues with friends, I urge you to question if their lack of communication is a sign of disrespect. You deserve friends who respect you and are mature enough to communicate with you so you can grow as an individual and as a friend.