1. Tailgate like there’s no tomorrow.
When football fails you, always remember that Spartan tailgates are still the best tailgates. (#GetTurnt)
2. Come to the game prepared with tissues and a punching bag.
It’s going to be difficult to keep your emotions in check. MSU has the tendency to lure you into a false sense of security during the first half of the game, right before they start fumbling. Keep some resources on hand to aid you in your sadness and frustration to better cope with the unfortunate reality that the Spartans are no longer the powerhouse they once were.
3. Pretend the game isn’t actually happening.
Sometimes, it’s just easiest to act as if nothing is real. Take a break, get some food and if a family member or friend who roots for the opposing team starts talking trash, tell them you have no idea what they’re talking about. Just pretend that MSU is winning.
4. Make it your goal to get onto the big screen and become famous.
You don’t even have to focus on the game anymore. Searching the stands for that camera person who will make you famous is enough to keep you occupied for a few hours.
5. Drown your sorrows in dessert.
If there’s anything positive about losing a game 30-6, it’s that you have a legitimate excuse to stuff yourself with sugar at the caf afterwards. There’s really no better time than when you have just been ruthlessly squashed by your opponent. You deserve to make yourself feel better in the form of unhealthy eating.
6. Look forward to basketball.
When you’re good at any other sport, you’ve got to take advantage of it.
7. Cry into your pillow.
For when all else fails…
8. Make fun of your own team for being so terrible.
Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.
9. Remember, even though they’re better at football now, we still rule over U-Mich any day.
’Nuff said.