This past spring break I flew to India with my family for my cousin’s big fat Indian wedding. It’s been 10 years since my last visit,and returning after so long has me reflecting on what has changed with my family and my own outlook. I didn’t think it would take so long to come back, but the logistics of traveling to India aren’t as easy for my family now. Flying four adults across the world is expensive and a visa nightmare. And with the temperature and pollution levels in Delhi, travel during certain times of the year is absolutely out of the question. And in Indian culture, visiting family means bringing a whole extra suitcase of gifts for all of our relatives. We dedicate so much time and money to picking out the perfect presents for every family member we plan to see. These are all the stressors we deal with before we even get onto the plane. Our total travel time was about 25 hours with two long flights and a layover in London. And after about a day and a half, we arrived in New Delhi where we would stay with my mom’s sister for the next 10 days.
India is such a blend of old and new. In a way, New Delhi is just like any other metropolitan city, as are its people. My cousin listens to Tame Impala and shops at Zara. The Pacific Mall in New Delhi is one of the biggest and nicest malls I’ve ever been to. You can hail an auto or rickshaw the same way you would call a cab in New York City. Their public transportation system works very similarly to the L trains in Chicago. But what you won’t see in New York City or Chicago is families of cows living on street corners or people coming up to you trying to sell anything from saris to sunglasses. It can be so overwhelming to be out and about, especially on the roads. People will weave in and out of lanes with one hand on the horn at all times. It can be a lot for someone who tends to get motion sick like I do. I will never complain about Detroit traffic again.
At the same time, Delhi is a different beast. In a country where euthanasia is illegal, stray dogs roam the streets in vast numbers. Many of them are injured from fights with other dogs, and they are limping around on broken legs. Most are starving and their ribs are visible through matted fur. It’s heartbreaking to watch them approaching humans for food, still hopeful though constantly rejected. India is teeming with wildlife, and there is a certain time of sound you won’t hear anywhere else. The pigeon population is large in New Delhi, and they will come and hang out on your balcony until you shoo them away. Large groups of peacocks will call out to each other from the rooftops in their distinct voices. Tropical birds will hang out in trees, their colorful feathers visible against the otherwise brown landscape. Monkeys are everywhere, and as cute as they are, they are not friendly. At the Taj Mahal, a very large sign reads “DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE MONKEYS.” Vendors come in on their bikes, hauling cartfuls of fresh produce and more. They shout for the whole complex to hear, inviting residents to come and buy from them. Every morning at my aunt’s place, I learned to recognize the calls and timings of each vendor – one for fruit, one for coconut water, and another for vegetables in colors I’d never seen before.
When you spend so much time away from your extended family, it’s easy to forget you have one. Both of my parents are one of five siblings, and I have a total of 11 cousins. I saw eight of them on this most recent trip. They’re all adults with jobs and lives of their own. I’ve missed four of their weddings. I’m so grateful I got to attend this one and see everyone after so long. My youngest two cousins were newborns the last time I saw them, and now they’re the cutest 10-year-olds ever. My mom’s oldest sister has a granddaughter who is just five years younger than me. When I was 10, she was a mischievous five-year-old who chased me around the flat and locked me out on the balcony. Now, she’s taller than me and a teenager, I can share clothes and makeup with her just like a younger sister.
I didn’t realize just how much goes into an Indian wedding when you’re part of the family. There are so many customs and traditions followed that my family and I actually had a role to play in them. The first event we attended was the sagan, which is the formal engagement ceremony that kicks off the wedding celebrations. As “sisters” of the groom, I was part of the group of women presenting the rings to the couple. The night before the wedding was the mehendi, or henna as it’s more commonly known. The bride’s and groom’s families host separate mehendi ceremonies, where they apply the paste in elaborate designs to everyone. Getting mehendi done is quite the feat, as you can’t move for at least two hours while it dries down or else it will get messed up. My dad’s main task for the night was feeding my mom, sister, and I while our designs dried. The food served at the mehendi was your standard Punjabi function food – heavy, spicy, and full of flavor. I’m not good with spice to begin with, and even my cousins agreed that the food was spicy. So for me, it was really bad because the acid reflux was too much for me to handle and I got sick.
There is nothing more humbling than getting sick in India. It happens every time without fail because it’s so easy to trigger. A bite of food that’s a bit too spicy, consuming raw dairy or produce, or even having a sip of unfiltered water can have you throwing up a whopping five times the morning of your cousin’s wedding like I was. Over the course of the morning, I remained in bed, weak from dehydration and unable to keep down even mere crackers, as the rest of my family members prepared for the upcoming ceremonies. One word from my mom and my entire extended family was concerned over me – the weak, sensitive American who couldn’t handle the food. Everyone, even the groom, stopped by to check on me and offer their conflicting and unsolicited medical advice.
After the last of the toxins were purged from my system, I made my way out of the room to participate in the haldi, the ritualistic application of turmeric paste to the groom. Turmeric’s bright yellow properties make it the ideal skincare ingredient for brightening and softening skin. While it sits, the women of the family will travel to a neighboring village (or in this case, an apartment complex) and get water from their temple to bathe the groom in. This ceremony is called the gharoli and is a staple in Punjabi weddings. The whole time, I was incredibly dehydrated and exhausted, hardly able to keep up with the group. Eventually, I got to rest and recuperate for a few hours before we made our way to the salon where we got our hair and makeup done for the actual wedding.
The wedding itself was a whole production. I couldn’t take a single picture of the couple that didn’t have the photographers and videographers in the frame, trying to get the perfect shot. It’s excessive for sure, and it took almost an hour for the groom’s family to even enter the wedding hall because of the photos. I was exhausted, still dehydrated and now also hungry. I fell asleep on a couch in the wedding hall during the last of the ceremonies. We didn’t get back to our hotel room until 6 a.m. the following morning. And that night, my sister and I embarked on the journey back home.
We had never flown without our parents before and now we were going to fly from Delhi all the way back to Detroit. I slept for the entirety of our flight from Delhi to London, not getting up a single time which was probably a bad idea. Once my phone started working again in London, every traveler’s worst nightmare happened. Our connecting flight from London to Detroit had been canceled, and we were instead rerouted to Minneapolis with that flight departing not two hours after we landed. This meant we had to make it through TSA, get new boarding passes, and make it to our new gate without a chance to even go to the bathroom. It was hellish, but once we made it to Minneapolis we discovered that our last flight to Detroit had gotten delayed almost two hours. We did get a bonus of 16,000 miles each as an apology from the airline but we also didn’t get back to our house until 9 p.m.
Overall, getting sick was just a blip in an otherwise positive trip. I got to finally attend a family member’s wedding, and I left having gained two new sisters-in-law and a brother-in-law from the weddings I had missed. I left with a sense of family that I’ve missed for so many years. I love having more brothers and sisters in my life. I got to visit Agra and see the Taj Mahal and Akbar’s fort. Despite the discomforts of visible poverty that exist in every big city, I didn’t hate being there. Two weeks was the perfect duration to be in India, get accustomed to the environment, and not get homesick. I still have a few more cousins that need to get married, so I know next time it won’t take me so long to come back.