Confessions of a Messaholic

Clorox God, grant me the serenity to accept the mess I cannot change, wisdom to organize my belongings in the future and courage to know the difference.

Messaholic (noun): An uncontrollably messy person; someone who knows of their sloppiness, but remains unphased.

Messaholics are known for their untidiness and the trail of clutter and mayhem they bring with them wherever they go. Fear not, for this is nothing to be ashamed of – many studies have reached the conclusion that the messier the person, the more successful they are.

Do not feel ashamed by the fact that you haven’t seen your bedroom floor in weeks or that empty bottles of shampoo line the edge of the bathtub. Do not let anyone tell you to clean your room for the thousandth time – take pride in the wreck that is your personal space!

My confessions are as follows:

1. Sometimes, I let empty coffee cups pile up in my room until there are no more left in the cupboards.

2. The longest I went without doing laundry was two months.

I went to Victoria’s Secret and bought new unmentionables, so that I didn’t have to wash the ones I previously owned.

3. My car has a reputation of resembling a second closet.

4. I once told someone that I cleaned my room, and their response was, “Wow! How long has it been?!”

The answer: Six weeks.

5. At one point in my life, my bedroom got so messy that I forgot I had purple carpet.

6. I was 7 years old the last time I made my bed.

7. Lighting a candle is easier than taking the trash out.

8. I rarely lose any of my belongings.

I am fully aware that my left Converse sneaker is wedged between last week’s laundry pile and my backpack. I like it there.

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