Aging is inevitable. Moments pass by and with a blink of an eye, and those moments become memories. Sometimes, I think we take those moments for granted. Growing up, I couldn’t wait to become an adult. I used to love to sit and plan out what I wanted in my adult life. I was sure of what I wanted, and I was convinced that I would stick to it. It wasn’t until I left for college that I realized that those plans were nothing short of a dream. Adele once said, “Everything that you think is going to happen, is not going to happen, it’ll be the opposite ”, and now, I understand exactly what she meant. Â
Taking my first step away from what’s been home for so long, feels exciting but scary at the same time. After my high school graduation, I counted down the days until I moved away to college. I was ecstatic to be on my own, do whatever I wanted and live under nobody’s rules but my own. My adulthood was just beginning, and I had no doubt in my mind that I would be anything less than free-feeling and happy.Â
Everything was great at first, freshman year went by fast with only a few minor bumps along the way. I was satisfied with my academics, and I was in a relationship I saw lasting a lifetime. I was learning how to take care of myself and stay on top of my responsibilities, then sophomore year came around. My classes started getting harder while I was juggling school, work, volunteering, clubs and shadowing a doctor all at once. Additionally, family problems were arising and my relationship was going downhill until it eventually crashed. My happiness was fading and I was struggling to keep up with everything going on in my life. My motivation was nearly gone and I watched as my satisfactory GPA dropped down to a level that I would usually never allow it to. I was losing myself and with that, I was straying away from the picture-perfect future I once had planned for myself. I walked into junior year feeling defeated. My first semester was a complete mess, I’d never felt so low and received such disappointing grades. It was at this point that I knew something had to change. Â
I realized that my lack of motivation was mostly stemming from the simple fact that I was struggling to focus. It became a challenge to even focus long enough to complete assignments or pay attention in classes. My thoughts were consumed by all the things that had been going wrong, and I didn’t know how to break the habit of concentrating on them. I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to figure out how to overcome this. I also know that it would take more than myself, so I swallowed my pride and decided to get the help I needed. Â
I started to pick myself off the ground and find purpose in my life. My mindset changed from questioning whether I could achieve my goals, to knowing that if I put my all into them, I could achieve anything I set my mind to. I began reading books on how to become a better, more positive version of myself. I became more engaged in things that I enjoy, concentrated on becoming a competitive med school applicant and concluded that the only thing making me feel so low was how I was choosing to perceive everything around me. I had been allowing myself to think and talk so negatively in my head, that I became the root cause of my own suffering. Learning how to manage school, work, extracurriculars and life all at once can be overwhelming, and I think that everyone attending college finds that to be true at some point. Branching away from the comfort of family and learning how to find that comfort in yourself is a hard concept to grasp. Feeling lost at first is normal, everything is so new and learning how to take care of yourself doesn’t come overnight. Everyone goes through this stage in life and as time passes, you begin to find yourself again.  Â
As you grow, new chapters of life continue to emerge, each one different from another. What you once believed would be taking place at certain times, become goals unreached and rethought. Growing up, I pictured myself engaged shortly after undergrad graduation, married a year later and starting to have kids around the age of 25, all while on my journey to becoming a doctor. That is far from my current reality, as I end my junior year single, focused only on becoming the best version of myself and working to reach my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor.