Fridging is most commonly used to describe a certain trope in media, specifically film. Perhaps you’ve seen it before: a female character becomes fridged — either dying, getting sick, or getting taken, it doesn’t really matter how —as a way to support the male protagonist’s character arc. The female character can be anyone, really: a wife, girlfriend, daughter, mother, but at the end of the day, her real identity doesn’t matter. She only exists in relation to him, and is quickly pushed out of the story, losing all semblance of agency.
I only recently realized how frequently I subconsciously fridge myself. Without even thinking about it, I have become an observer to myself, unable to remove myself from perceptions of me; unable to live actively within my own story. It was never really an overwhelming feeling, and yet it framed my life. It was everywhere I looked, and at any time I could be so busy perceiving myself that I wasn’t truly experiencing my own life, like a side character within my own movie. Even in some personal relationships, I became more focused on how I was being perceived than anything else. I had absorbed this idea of fridging, and I was pushing myself out of the narrative.
It’s hard to say how exactly this thought process — or lack thereof — began. Fridging is a prevalent trope in media, so of course, it is possible that this is where I picked up this mindset. However, I believe it runs deeper than this. Growing up as a girl often means seeing yourself sidelined time and time again. Any recognition or representation you do get is frequently in relation to others, much like the female characters who are often subject to the fridging trope. It is incredibly easy to find comfort within a lack of control over your own narrative — often it is much harder to go against the grain and be truly present. But I had begun to feel as if moments were slipping away from me, making it harder and harder to express my own agency.
However, realizing this pattern has ultimately been a relief from it. Since recognizing that I have been doing this, I have been able to put myself back into the story and become more present. This idea of sidelining women, even unintentionally, is spread throughout our culture, so it will not always be easy to cast aside the urge to fridge myself. But becoming conscious of this problem is the first step. With this newfound awareness, it has become easier to put myself back into the picture, and truly take ownership of my own story instead of simply existing within it.