In his book, 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, Paul Angone tells the story of the time he missed out on a Les Paul guitar. He was biking when he came across an outdoor concert, where the call for five volunteers to come up on stage and possibly win a free guitar was made. All the volunteers had to do was play an air guitar, and the democratic audience would choose a winner; the winner would receive the free Les Paul guitar. Instantly, this appealed to Paul because (1) it was free, and (2) it was free. But, as he attempted to make his way to the stage, he was crippled by anxiety and debated whether it was worth it to make a fool of himself for a free guitar. Unfortunately, while he had stopped in his tracks and was wrestling with his inner voice, the opportunity was lost and five braver individuals made it to the stage before him. As you can imagine, this left Paul disappointed and this disappointment was exacerbated by the volunteers’ unenthusiastic air guitars — Paul knew he could’ve done better and that he could’ve possibly won. But, he also acknowledges that in order to be a winner, he had to first make it to the stage.
This story really resonated with me. I too have been in situations where I could’ve gotten a guitar but I was too scared to make it to the stage. And I know I’m not alone in this — many of us have missed out on a guitar due to fear. For us, it may not have been a literal guitar but a guitar can serve as a symbol for other things in our life. A guitar may be a job or an award that we’re scared to apply for because we think we’re grossly unqualified. It could be our silence in meetings because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. It could be beating ourselves up for our crushes not liking us back when they don’t even know we exist. Still, no matter what our guitars are, it’s time for us to go for it. It’s time for us to take the leap because we don’t know if by taking that leap, we might just end up a winner.
Furthermore, we can’t go through life being fearful of embarrassment. I know this is easier said than done when we are worried that everyone is judging us. However, the fear of embarrassment limits us; it stifles us and it prevents us from showing up as our most authentic selves.
That being said, here are five tips that will help you to make it to the stage and claim you guitar:
1. Realize That No One Spends Their Day Thinking About You
This may sound harsh, but it is the truth. Too often are we crippled with worry over how others will perceive us, and we miss out on opportunities as a result. However, there is truly no harm in trying and face planting. Plus, even if you fail or make a fool of yourself and people probably laugh at you in that moment, they will move on and you should too. We are all too concerned about our own lives to dwell on the lives of others. So, give yourself room to mess up because no one spends their day reliving your messes.
2. Focus On The Present
Remember that embarrassing incidents are a thing of the past. While your past definitely has a role in shaping you, your fear of past embarrassments shouldn’t rigidize your present decisions. Allow everything to be a learning experience— let it grow you, not stump you. Furthermore, by allowing the past to stifle you, you miss out on how beautiful the present could be if you’d just take a risk.
3. Remind Yourself That It Is Okay Not To Be Perfect
The older I become and the more I cure my perfectionism, I learn that perfectionism is the enemy of creativity and growth. Really, it is. While perfectionism can drive you to do well, it can also make you fearful of trying because it makes you afraid of failure. For example, there are authors who spend their entire lives working on multiple books but never let anyone read it because they are scared of being ridiculed. However, this is no way to live and perfectionism is an ingredient for an unhappy life. It is okay to fail and it is okay to have occasional mishaps. It’s okay because it makes you human and interesting.
4. Laugh At Yourself
As someone who is guilty of sometimes taking herself too seriously, I feel a bit hypocritical listing this as a tip. For example, when I was younger, if I made a mistake while singing at an event, I’d cry. However, from experience, I’ve learned that if you laugh and if you allow yourself to have fun, others will laugh with you and not at you in the event of an embarrassment. For example, if you trip and fall, I foresee you having three options: (1) laying there, (2) crying and making a fuss, or (3) laughing and minimizing the situation so it becomes apparent that it isn’t a big deal. I’d opt for the latter because it only becomes a big deal when you make it a big deal.
5. Be Unapologetically You
Don’t reign yourself in out of fear of being embarrassed. Be yourself— trying to be anyone else will make you unhappy. If your laugh sounds like a witch’s cackle, embrace it. If you have a weird walk, embrace it. At the end of the day, you have to be willing to show up as your most authentic self and to mess up because you can only unleash your full potential by being yourself. For example, I think we all have an “embarrassing” friend that’s just unfiltered and what you see with them is what you get. Even if they irk us at times, we love and appreciate their honesty in being their crazy selves.
Still, settings matter. So, I’m not saying you should be the crazy person you are with your friends at work. However, you should be a version of yourself that you are happy with and not simply one that is digestible for other people — even if this means not saying or doing the right things all the time.
“The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you are not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.”
— Paul Angone, 101 Secrets For Your Twenties