Recently there has been discourse on TikTok from several different female creators, sharing their takes on the new “lifestyle” or “trend” targeted towards women called the “Mobster Wife” life. And with the recent Golden Globe win of the Barbie movie I was reminded of America Ferrera’s famous dialogue, and it brought me to form my own opinion on the deeper effects trends such as “soft girl era” and “Mobster-wife” have on us women.
America Ferrera’s dialogue towards the end of the Barbie movie, to me, represents how the possibilities of life, accomplishment, and roles of women are hindered by the patriarchy. Which I agree with, and I think the Barbie movie did a good job by showing that explicitly. However, I think that micro-trends, consumerism and false ideas of life portrayed on social media, especially now on TikTok, are implicit ways in which the patriarchy gets us.
Social media can be a creative hotspot for women to share their take on femininity, however I think it is harmful when associating specific “tropes” to roles that women can “fit in”. Personally, I’ve never fit into what TikTok videos portray as the “clean-girl” era. Yes, like most of us I consider myself to be a clean person, however not in the way or with the expensive products, pink silk robes, and expensive clean white sheets in which it is portrayed. This to me creates a sense of “other-ing”. It is the idea that, yes I’m “this” but not in the way that is glamorized on social media. Which I learned is okay through accepting my life for what it is for. You do not need expensive Victoria’s Secret matching pajama sets, or a Ten-step skincare routine of Drunk Elephant products. I sleep in American Eagle boxers and a high school T-shirt, I also only cleanse and moisturize my face with Cetaphil and that’s about it.
Recent TikToks have also been contradicting the concept of specific “lives” or “eras” by creating videos “de-influencing” consumers from purchasing or participating in expensive trends, for the sake of assimilating to a certain trope of femininity pushed out by creators. I do not blame creators for pushing out trends for the sake of commission and getting a paycheck, however, I think it’s important to promote trends that are fluid and accessible to many. To me, social media is a double edged-sword that does not fully allow us to live our lives through ourselves and instead through what other people post, what they buy and do. This takes away the uniqueness of what humanity and femininity is supposed to be. Instead, there are trends that Associate inanimate objects, colors, and makeup products to a woman’s personality features and even traumatic experiences.
“Mob-wife” life has recently been glamorized with fur coats, expensive purses, dark makeup, designer jewelry, and New Jersey accents to depict a strong-charactered woman, and to contrast the Idea of a “soft girl”. However, I doubt being a Mob wife was ever that glamorous or fun. Soft girls on the other hand are depicted as embracing, romantic and gentle through pink bows, lacey clothes and soft-like makeup. Where does one fit?
Personally, I find it extremely irritating how the internet and individuals online will try to market products or fashion styles as a way of creating personality-based groups of women that other women feel excluded from, if they fail to assimilate through the material means of the trend. I often like to examine these things on a deeper scale when scrolling for the sake of being aware of the ideas social media fills my mind with, especially considering how much time I spend on my phone. Saying things like, “What type of mom are you?” “Cool mom?” “Boring mom?” Or, “What type of girl are you?” I think it is personally so annoying to hear. It strips away the nuance of being a human or a woman, and defines us as one thing. Personally, I believe social media has overcomplicated, and oversaturated our lives by pushing us to purchase pink makeup headbands because “clean girls” use them. Or calling pastel blue nails “blueberry milk nails”. There is no necessity to make mundane things look or feel like a sense of status or accessibility into a group or “niche” of women. I do not fit into the clean girl, soft girl, mob wife ideas as they are portrayed online, and it’s important to reassure yourself that you being a combination of many things is what makes you a human. It is what makes femininity beautiful.