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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at MSU chapter.

TW: abortion, child abuse, sexual assault

By today, I would be getting ready for her 6th birthday.

By today, I would have a 5 year old.

By today, I would have had my 4th attempt

By today, I would not be in my 3rd year of college.

By today, I would not have had a 2 year relationship.

By today, I have had 1 abortion.

The abortion that almost killed me.

The abortion I had to perform myself.

The abortion when I was 13 years old.

I would have a kid – The Kid

I call her “The Kid” because nothing else fits

I had no other choice, and

I made the right choice

The Kid is a little girl in my mind

Sometimes, I grieve her

The Kid is a little girl in my mind

Sometimes, I wonder what her smile would be like

The Kid is a little girl in my mind

Sometimes, I wonder if she would have my eyes

The Kid is a little girl in my mind

Sometimes, I wonder if she would look like my abuser

The Kid is a little girl in my mind

Sometimes, I miss what could’ve been

I do not regret not having The Kid.

I am better off without The Kid.

The Kid is better off without me.

I was A Kid myself.

I will never regret not having The Kid.

I wish I was afforded the healthcare.

I wish I had healthcare that would have protected my uterus.

I wish The Kid was not created out of rape.

I wish I was not 13.

I wish The Kid waited longer.

I wish The Kid had a father who was not my father.

The Kid is mine

But The Kid is not mine.

She would be 5.

The Kid would have been My Kid.

But I’m so happy I don’t have My Kid yet.

I know I will have My Kid someday.

I will never regret My Kid

I will also never regret not having The Kid.

Kattiah Richardson (she/they) is currently a student at Michigan State University double majoring in both English and Women's and Gender Studies with a double minor in Jewish Studies and in LGBTQ+ and Sexuality Studies with the hopes of becoming a professor. They are a part of many student organizations on campus: Planned Parenthood Generation Action (President), We are Queens (Vice President), Spartans for Israel (Liberal Outreach Chair), and, of course, Her Campus MSU (Staff Writer and Editor)! Kattiah is also a Campus Trendsetter through Her Campus and a Resident Assistant at their campus. Aside from university-related activities, they love learning more about their faith in Judaism, activism, reading, writing, dancing, babysitting, spending time with family, and (badly) singing!