Let me tell you a story of an experience all college students have to go through: a horrifying experience that leaves you angry, confused, vengeful, and at a loss for where you fit in the world.
It happens like this: You walk to class. It’s a beautiful day, your week is going great, and you are updated on all your classwork. You walk into class happy as can be and go to sit in the seat you’ve occupied for the entire semester, only to find it already filled by another person. Horror crosses your face, your heart is filled with anger, and you’re never the same.
From then on, your life is filled with schemes to get to class before this other student and making passive-aggressive eye contact to stake your claim over your beloved seat. After this moment, your entire college experience is changed, and you never feel secure in a spot ever again. Why do I know this? Because it happened to me again just a week ago. At the beginning of the semester, I had chosen the perfect seat in the class, not too close and not too far, the ideal distance from the screen to help my bad eyesight, and also close to the door to make my perfect getaway.
But I got too comfortable. I showed up late this past week, and my seat had been stolen. I felt pure anguish and unbridled rage, but I knew nothing could be done that day. However, as I left that class at the end of the period, I put my plan in place to get back what was mine, as I had done before when I found my seat to be stolen, and as I probably will do in the future. Here, I’ll share with you how to get your seat back so you can keep living your college years stress and drama-free.
Revenge Plan
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Employ eye contact. Lots of it. This person in your seat should be made to feel unsettled, and when they finally look back up at you with a furrow in their brow—wondering what the reason for this staring is—you’re going to slowly look down at their chair, then back into their eyes, and walk away.
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Get to class earlier. After the first time the usurper steals your seat, they will start to make a habit of it. You have to stop the pattern early; you need to get to class first, sit in the seat, and when the person walks in, briefly look at them and then look away (now you’re in their head).
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Challenge them to a duel. If they still won’t take the hint and can’t seem to leave your seat behind, it’s time to defend your honor. You should never back down.
You might be reading this and asking me, “Why are you this concerned over a seat?” The first reason is that it’s my seat, and I have carefully weighed the pros and cons of the comfortability, position, location, and distance that makes it the best seat in class. Secondly, (Insert WWE voice) YOU GONNA LET SOMEONE TAKE WHAT’S YOURS ? Your honor is at stake, so unfortunately, this is the path of vengeance you must walk every semester until the end of time. What you should take away from these situations is that you have to fight for your seat if it’s taken. Protect your honor and watch where you sit, because someone might have already claimed that seat and will put a revenge plan in place for you.
P.S.- To the usurper who took my seat last week in the lecture, count your days – you messed with the wrong one. Some vicious, passive-aggressive eye contact is IN YOUR FUTURE. *cue scary music playing*