Content Warning: The following piece is a personal opinion of the author and no claim is backed up by a mental health professional.
Post-marriage conflicts are not very uncommon nowadays; divorces are getting normalized, and separation rates are being increased at a never-before scale… But are we really aware of the adverse effects these separations or divorces have on their kids? How do those hundreds of arguments start haunting the child in their golden years thus gifting them tons of childhood trauma in the long run after their divorce/separation? How easily the decision of child’s custody is left on the shoulders of the judiciary, without even asking the kid if they really want to live as a single parent’s child. (Not objecting to the capabilities of that single parent but rather questioning the will of that kid to compromise on the love of one of his/her parent after their separation)
We’ll go through the following contents in brief in this article to understand & analyze this situation in a better way:-
- How is parenting worsened when both parents are not on good terms?
- Should the suffering of a separated parent’s kid be neglected in front of the suffering his/her parents had while being in that compromising relationship?
- How should kids and single parents deal with societal pressure?
- Important facts that every parent should learn about child psychology.
- How is parenting worsened when both parents are not on good terms?
Several times parents don’t realize when in no time their little ones become an eyewitness to their spats, they do not realize when destiny starts to expect their sunshine kiddos to bear the wrath of their separations at a very delicate age. Even when they do realize it they try to make it up for their kids by individually pampering them with money, temporary pleasures & materialistic things in the name of child support from non-custodial parents as compensation for what they lost due to their parent’s separation. But the question is, are those kids really ready to trade one parent figure for a lifetime at such a naive age just because their parents didn’t end up on good terms?
In most of the cases, the answer is “NO”. But sadly they aren’t left with any other choice other than giving up.
Although somewhere the parents are right on their places as it’s better to handle the kid single-handedly after getting separated/divorced instead of sticking with their “better half” for the sake of your kid who is in any way just witnessing the toxic environment on a daily basis.
- Should the suffering of a separated parent’s kid be neglected in front of the suffering their parents had while being in that compromising relationship?
Have you ever thought why those kids have to get mature before age, why can’t they enjoy the privilege of getting their parent’s head massage or their in-house stand-up comedy show all at the same time? Why can’t they be fortunate enough to get scolded by one, and pampered by the other all on the same day?
The pain and the difficulties faced by the parents are no less undoubtedly, but they are mature enough to deal with those fights, conflicts & arguments amongst themselves. For their kids, this is probably their first experience of detachment from loved ones, hence it totally depends upon how well the parents mutually deal with the split/separation in front of their kid which further determines whether the kid will accept these things well or not.
- How should kids and single parents deal with societal pressure?
In such cases, inner turmoil is way more disturbing than external judgments from society, but that does not change the fact that society, peers, and family impressions also matter a lot in such cases.
It has been observed in several cases that due to societal pressure people end up getting depressed at the end.
Parents should protect their children from societal exposure before explaining their complete scenario maturely by themselves so that any comment or conversation by any outsider in the future may not affect the kid’s mental health as much. They should not completely abandon the child from stepping out or socializing as it’ll only worsen the case by resulting in the kid losing self-confidence and having poor communication skills.
“As your kids grow up, they may forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel” — Kevin Heath
Signing off – KASHISH ADWANI