Note: This article includes everyone who menstruates, including cis women, trans men, and non-binary or gender-fluid people.
So, you’ve noticed the signs. Your partner is tearing up at puppy commercials, practically inhaling an entire family-size bag of chips, and giving you the kind of side-eye that could stop traffic. Yep, it’s PMS time. If you’re here because you Googled “how to be a better partner during PMS” or “should I run away now?”—welcome! You’re already taking a step in the right direction by wanting to help. And trust me, you can make this rollercoaster of emotions a little easier or at least less scary for both of you.
But before we dive into the dos and don’ts of loving your PMS-ing partner without losing your mind, let’s talk a bit about what PMS really is and why it can feel like your normally chill partner has temporarily transformed into an emotional tornado. Because, honestly, understanding even a tiny bit of the science behind it can make you a lot more empathetic and prepared.
PMS: A Crash Course
Alright, so here’s the thing. Premenstrual Syndrome, or PMS, isn’t just an excuse to eat an entire pizza in one sitting (though, honestly, no judgement if that happens). It’s a genuine phase in the menstrual cycle, usually popping up about one to two weeks before the big show: the actual period. And no, it’s not just about being moody or having cravings, though that’s a big part of it.
PMS is driven by hormonal changes, specifically a drop in oestrogen and a rise in progesterone, which can wreak havoc on everything from mood to physical comfort. Your partner may feel exhausted, irritable, and bloated all at once, with an added sprinkle of back pain and sudden, uncontrollable tears. Yeah, it’s a lot. And while hormones are the root cause, PMS affects every part of a person’s life—emotionally and physically.
So, if you’re someone who doesn’t experience menstruation, your job isn’t to “get it” completely but to be compassionate and supportive. Now, with that context, let’s break down how to navigate this PMS minefield and keep your relationship (mostly) intact.
Do’s
- Be the snack hero they deserve: We’re talking about the ultimate act of service here: snacks. And not just any snacks, but the right ones. If your partner wants chocolate, they don’t mean dark, 90% cacao gourmet nonsense. They mean something delicious, sweet, and totally satisfying. If salty snacks are on the craving list, show up with chips, not rice cakes (unless they really like rice cakes, in which case, you do you). Pro Tip: Set up a PMS snack stash. Keep it stocked with all the goodies: chocolate, chips, gummy bears, ice cream. Presenting them with these treasures when they’re feeling low is basically a love language.
- Master the Nod and Smile Technique: Sometimes, your partner will just need to rant. Maybe it’s about their boss, their weird neighbour, or how sad that video of a baby sloth was. Whatever it is, do not try to fix the problem. Instead, just nod, agree, and throw in the occasional, “That’s the worst!” or “How dare they?” Even if you don’t fully understand why the world is so offensive today, just roll with it. Example: Them: “The Wi-Fi is too slow and now my entire day is ruined!” You: “Absolutely. We should all demand faster Wi-Fi for a better world.” See? Easy.
- Ask Before You Touch: Physical affection during PMS is a minefield. One second, your partner might be all about cuddles, and the next, they might want you to stay five feet away at all times. Always ask first. A simple “Do you want a hug, or some space?” will go a long way. This shows you respect their needs, whether they want comfort or just some good old personal space. And hey, don’t take it personally if they suddenly look at you like you’re a raccoon that just got out of a trash can when you try to cuddle. It’s nothing you did. It’s just… hormones.
- Make Everything Cozy: Get your partner some soft blankets, a warm heating pad, and maybe a cup of tea. PMS brings a lot of discomfort, so making their environment a little more comforting can be a game-changer. Draw a bath if that’s their thing, or watch their favourite TV show together. Sometimes, the simplest gestures make the biggest difference. Bonus points if you offer up a massage (if they want it!) to help with cramps or backaches. Even if you’re not a professional, the thoughtfulness will score you some serious love.
Don’ts
- Don’t Say “Calm Down” or “Are You PMS-ing?”: Look, I can’t emphasise this enough: never, under any circumstances, ask if they’re PMS-ing in the middle of a tense moment. Even if you suspect it’s true, don’t say it. It’s like pouring gasoline on a fire. Also, phrases like “Calm down” or “You’re overreacting” are practically a death wish. Just… don’t.
- Don’t Make It About You: If your partner is moody, it’s not an attack on you. They’re dealing with a lot internally, and sometimes it spills out. Take a breath, don’t get defensive, and remember it’s not personal. Your best bet is to stay supportive and maybe give them some space if they need it.
- Don’t Downplay Their Experience: PMS is real, and it can be miserable. Even if you don’t totally understand why someone needs to nap for hours or eat a whole tub of ice cream, respect it. The worst thing you can do is dismiss their experience or say, “It’s just hormones.” Trust me, that won’t go over well.
Congratulations! You’re now a certified PMS-pro partner (well, almost). Supporting your loved one through PMS isn’t about having all the answers or being perfect. It’s about showing up with love, snacks, and a willingness to roll with the emotional punches. By being thoughtful and considerate, you’re not just helping them get through a rough time, you’re strengthening your bond and showing that love is about being there for each other, no matter how wild the hormonal ride gets.
So, go forth, PMS-Pro Partner. You’ve got this!
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