Welcome to the world of being a ‘man’. As pretty and powerful as it may seem from the outside, it is more depressing than we thought it would be. Being a man is to always have a solution, to always be there to protect, to provide and to always be so strong that no “dhai kilo ka haath” can do nothing to your people. God!! It can be too much pressure!
But how often have we talked about their mental health? Quite an irony, isn’t it? Every other day we hear we are living in a patriarchal society where only men have advantages; however, we still don’t know much about their mental health. According to the Medical News Today men are 3.5 times more likely to die from suicide than women because they use more lethal ways of committing suicide. They are also the people who are more unlikely to seek help when faced with depression. This information is as terrifying as it is problematic.
If young men suffering from issues like depression, anxiety, inferiority complex went ahead without getting the help that they need, it will never end the vicious circle of getting by in life without a proper diagnosis. And, once again, we as society will be stuck with the same belief that has been passed on to us through generations causing the generational trauma to never end.
Recently, with the changes in our judicial system, we saw how Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code has been abolished which was previously used by lawyers for seeking justice for male/transgender rape victims. With the abolishment of the only act which was somewhat able to provide justice to these victims, we are once again questioning whether society even thinks that rape against men exist. Maybe society has collectively decided that sexual assault against men is as superficial as aliens coming to take the earth; its bizarre to even think about it!!
“You’re not alone
You’re not the first to go through it
You’re not going to be the last to go through it.”
Dwayne Johnson
As I go by writing this article, my heart goes to all the young little boys out there, thinking like any other child that they can be anything, and how the obscene hands of this society are gonna wrap their necks in a loop so tight, they can’t even think of escaping it. The standards of this society have made it impossible for men to even think of being vulnerable, as if vulnerability is an expression only related to the feminine world. Most of the time when we see young boys crying out loud, we see people telling them not to cry as it is what girls do. When did having an emotion as significant as grief only become so feminine?
It’s not just about the expectations that society has on these young boys, who are gonna be men someday. It is how from a very tender age they slowly start destroying their emotionality and reduce them to a human being who thinks that anyone who is slightly vulnerable is just not a man. Vulnerability among men has been seen as quite a weakness for a long time. The thought of men asking for help is frowned upon, as if that is the most absurd thing they can ever do. Society has made quite an image of an ideal man that somehow has solutions to every problem, is quite a protector and has the masculinity of a Greek god. If a man doesn’t fit in the shape decided by the society, he is ridiculed for his incapability.
The question which runs in my mind is how does the patriarchy favour a man in everyday life, like I had been told for so long? “It took me a long time to understand that patriarchy favours neither a man nor a woman, it actually favours the one in power.” It consumed a significant amount of research to understand that the opposite of patriarchy was not matriarchy but rather equality. Equality is not a concept that favours only women, rather it is essential for men too, and the day we start practising the notion of equality in this society, we may help men in actually being capable enough to ask for help.
The idea of mental health among men is a new, growing topic. We are finally able to distinguish the various problems faced by both men and women. Even though both may encounter entirely different problems in their lives due to patriarchy, the solution for both of their issues is dismantling the ideologies of a patriarchal society. As a society we now must buckle up towards a future, where a man is not shamed for his vulnerability and where he is not mortified for his declining mental health. Rather, let’s take a step towards celebrating an emotionally available and understanding man. A place where, if a man cries, he isn’t told to stop, but rather asked about his issues and provided with a sanctuary where his emotions are given as much importance as any other human being.
Men break down.
Men get anxiety.
Men feel insecure.
Men get abused.
Men have emotions.
Men have mental illnesses.
It’s not “unmanly” to struggle.
Let’s support men.
Let’s encourage men.
Don’t belittle or silence men.
UBI FRANKLIN