SEX!!!
Now that I have your attention, I have something important to say.
Getting naked in front of someone is weird, right? Whether it’s your first time or the hundredth, questions like “Wait… does my left boob look bigger than the right?” and “What if they think my legs are too skinny?” always pop up in our minds. We’ve all been there, awkwardly tiptoeing around our insecurities while also trying to concentrate on, you know, enjoying the moment. Welcome to the wild world of intimacy! Population: All of us awkward, self-conscious humans.
But here’s the good news: no matter what your body looks like, it is still worthy of love and respect. In fact, embracing your body with all its quirks is the key to feeling confident during intimate moments. Come, let’s get your beautiful, beautiful ass educated on how to love your body the way you love your partner’s.
Let’s start by addressing the many, many insecurities that start to pop up the night before you expect to get lucky.
- Body Hair: Some people shave, wax, pluck, laser or trim it to the point where their bathroom looks like a hair salon after hours. Others like to leave it the way God intended. Whichever camp you fall into, body hair is natural and it’s totally up to personal preference if you wanna keep it or get rid of it. Its existence or lack thereof doesn’t determine your attractiveness.
- Stretch Marks: They are like tattoos but au naturel. Whether you’ve had them for years or they’re a new addition to your skin, stretch marks are no big deal. They’re definitely not a reason to feel insecure.
- Cellulite: Let’s be clear—cellulite is completely normal. 90% of women and a good chunk of men have it, but somehow it still ends up on people’s list of “flaws.” It’s not a flaw. It’s skin doing its thing, and it doesn’t affect your sex appeal one bit.
- Odd noises: Yep, sometimes bodies make noises, and sometimes they pick the worst moments to do so. But guess what? It happens to everyone. Awkward noises are part of the fun. Don’t sweat it. Your partner isn’t thinking, “Wow, what was that noise they just made.” They’re way more focused on the moment.
- Body odour: Everyone has a natural scent. Sure, good hygiene is important, but your body’s scent isn’t something to worry about while you’re in bed with someone. If you’re fresh and clean, that’s more than enough. Besides, pheromones are real. Sometimes your natural scent can be a turn-on!
- Belly rolls: Ah, the good ol’ belly roll. We all have them when we sit down, bend over, or move in certain ways. Yet, somehow, the internet makes us think they’re a disaster. Your belly is not a statue, it is supposed to bend!
- Genital appearance: This one causes a lot of unnecessary stress and understandably so. Whether it’s the shape, size, or symmetry of your parts, there’s nothing wrong with you. Genitalia comes in all shapes and sizes, and guess what? Your partner isn’t mentally comparing you to some pornstar. They’re just happy to be there.
- Comparing yourself to others: This one’s a real killer. In a world where Instagram makes everyone look like they’ve just stepped off a photoshoot, it’s easy to think, “I don’t look like that, so I must be less attractive.” But the truth is that you’re not competing with anyone. Your body is yours, and no one else’s standard matters. Plus, your partner is interested in you, not some social media fantasy.
At the end of the day, all these so-called “flaws” are just part of being human. Instead of focusing on what you think is wrong, remember that the person you’re with is interested in you. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll enjoy intimacy a whole lot more.
Studies show that shame and anxiety about one’s body lead to the avoidance of physical closeness and reduced sexual satisfaction. People who don’t feel comfortable with their bodies tend to not initiate sex very often. Sexual intimacy means sharing your deepest self with someone and focussing on your partner’s and your own desires. It’s hard to be in the zone if all you can think about is your stomach sticking out a bit too much or your partner noticing the stretch marks on your body. Body positivity means accepting and loving your body for what it is right now. Not when you lose 10 pounds, not when you finally get that six-pack, but now. And when you feel good about your body, that confidence naturally spills over into your intimate life.
Sadly, it’s difficult to get rid of a negative body image as the seeds of it are sown into us at a very young age. From our mothers not liking what they see in the mirror to our families and others pointing out “flaws” in our bodies, we internalise that there’s a certain way we are supposed to look. We believe that our looks not only represent our worth but are also fundamentally flawed. We start to think about and treat our bodies the way they’re treated by others. The widening gap between what we think we’re supposed to look like and what we actually look like is a very fertile place for self-doubt and shame to grow.Â
So, enough bad news. Now what to do about it? Here are some practical tips to help you be more confident during, as Sheldon Cooper calls it, coitus:
- Be in the Moment: If you’re constantly in your head during intimate moments, you’re not really present, are you? Try concentrating on what feels good, and stop letting that nagging voice in your head distract you. (You know the one: “Jessica did you just fart?!” Shhh, brain. We’re busy.)
- Communicate with Your Partner: Trust me, your partner isn’t keeping a mental tally of your perceived imperfections. In fact, they’re probably too busy admiring your gorgeous, gorgeous butt to notice. But if something’s really bugging you, talk about it! Open, honest communication is the foundation of any good relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. Plus, there’s nothing sexier than vulnerability and trust.
- Shove Societal Beauty Standards up Society’s Ass: Magazines, movies, and Instagram filters have created this idea that only certain body types are desirable. It’s a lie! Real people—yes, the ones you’re actually dating—don’t care if you have abs or a thigh gap. They care about connection, chemistry, and how you make them feel. The sooner you let go of these impossible ideas of perfectionism, the sooner you can start loving yourself exactly as you are.Â
- Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good: Whether it’s your favourite pair of undies or a full-on lingerie set, wearing something that makes you feel sexy can be a huge confidence booster. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion. You are always free to be dripped up on a random Tuesday if it makes you feel good.
- And lastly, Practice Self-Love: Ever looked in the mirror and said something nice to yourself? No? Well, it’s time to start. Body positivity isn’t about pretending you’re perfect—it’s about recognizing that your body is pretty darn amazing just the way it is. So, compliment yourself! And you don’t need me to tell you that confidence is the biggest turn on. *wink*
Society loves to tell us what’s “hot” and what’s not—whether it’s the photoshopped models in fashion magazines or the chiselled dudes in action movies. But the truth is that everyone’s hot when they embrace their own unique beauty. There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of attractiveness. Whether you’re curvy, slim, tall, short, smooth, or fuzzy, you’re a snack. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re not worth your time.
Your body is yours and it’s complex, wonderful and capable of all kinds of pleasure. When we stop chasing these narrow beauty ideals and start appreciating our bodies for what they are, we take control of our own narrative. Sexy isn’t about fitting into a mould; it’s about confidence, connection, and how you feel in your own skin.
Because at the end of the day, nobody’s going to remember if your thighs jiggled or if your belly rolled—they’ll remember how amazing you made them feel (and how great your moves were).
Now get out there and have some fun… and who knows? You might just make some noises worth celebrating. ;)
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