They say that our childhood friends are the loves of our lives. The simple bonds we share as kids turn into strong tethers that bind us together. Their memory stands the test of time and space and becomes forever etched in our hearts, becoming a part of who we are and what we do.
I always do my make-up the way my high school best friend taught me to. My bookshelf houses glimpses of that long-distance friend who made me fall in love with reading all over again. My laughter echoes the voice of the girl I met in ninth grade and instantly became best friends with. The playlist I put on to put myself to sleep is the one my online best friend made for me. We’ve never met but everyone who knows me knows that we share our birthdays and that she’s the closest thing to a twin I’ve ever had. And the list goes on….
It was a sunny afternoon back in 5th grade when, while sitting along the edge of the pool at school, devastated and heartbroken because of an argument with a friend, I asked this girl sitting next to me who her best friend was.
Her answer?
“You.”
A moment that changed everything.
This girl, who I’d known for two years, who I was friends with but never that close to, had just called me her best friend. It might seem small, but to ten-year-old Suhani, it was everything. That is when I decided that this girl would be my best friend forevermore and the rest, is history. We spent the entire afternoon sharing our secrets and laying the foundation of what would be the start of a bond even stronger than blood.
What followed was countless sleepovers, birthday parties, late-night video calls and a decade full of love, laughter, and tears. Seeing each other at our best and worst, and sticking together through thick and thin. She has cheered for me the loudest and supported me throughout everything I have done.
Eleven years later, here we are. Fate has sent us down different roads now, different colleges, and different cities. Over the years, a lot has changed.
Sometimes, when I look at her, I don’t recognize the person in front of me. She changed her hair and the way she used to dress, found love, and new friends. I don’t remember when she stopped eating chocolate ice cream and telling me her secrets or how something so effortless as breathing, turned into a laboured exercise.
” Hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me?
When we were younger, down in the park
Honey, makin’ a lark of the misery
You got shiny friends since you left town
-Dorothea,Taylor Swift
The ache that comes with this change is unparalleled, seeing the bond you shared wither away with each passing moment while you stand there helpless and hopeless.
It is even more painful when I find glimpses of her all around—in the way I do my eyeliner and order my coffee, the way I speak, and how I dress. How she is still the first person I feel like calling when something or anything happens. How her contact is still in my favourites, but now she seems like a lifetime away.
” Your braids like a pattern
-Seven,Taylor Swift
The weird thing is, this isn’t a new story, it’s the same one repeating itself over and over again. We have all lost friends; we find new ones too and the story goes on. I believe that most people or friends or even lovers are only meant to be there for a brief chapter of your life, their presence almost momentary, like falling stars. That doesn’t make these bonds any less significant, but all the more precious—something to look back on and reminisce about. My heart aches for all the friends I lost contact with or drifted apart from, but even that sadness is lined with a soft glow of warmth and contentment.
Growing up and growing apart may be a rite of passage, maybe it is inevitable and even necessary, but I have never been one to let go easily.
I have made a lot of bad decisions in life, and a few good ones too, but the best one has to be the one I made by that poolside, on that summer afternoon, all those years ago. What I wouldn’t give to go back and relive all the beautiful moments we have shared, all over again.
“And in the end
I’d do it all again
I think you’re my best friend “
-The Kids Aren’t Alright,
Fall Out Boy
I read somewhere that grief is all the unspent love we have for someone, it is the price we pay for love, and I would be willing to pay this price over and over again and find her in every universe and lifetime, even if the story ends the same way in each one of them.
— Fredrik Backman