Childhood. The golden years. The time of bedtime stories, unconditional love, and warm, gentle hands that only ever reached out to pull you into a hug.
Or maybe not.
Maybe childhood was a battleground you didn’t know you were fighting in. Maybe the bedtime stories were replaced with harsh words that still echo in your mind when you’re trying to fall asleep. Maybe love came with terms and conditions; be obedient, be smart, be strong, be useful, be better. And maybe, just maybe, you grew up thinking this was normal.
But then life happened. College, Friendships, Relationships. And suddenly, your “normal” started looking a lot like trauma. And worse? You realise that some wounds never healed because you never even knew they were there.
So here we are, peeling back the layers of childhood wounds you didn’t sign up for. If this feels personal, that’s because it is.
1. The Endless Search for Validation
Did love feel like something you had to earn? Were achievements, good behaviour, or high grades the price you paid for affection?
And did succeeding still feels like a fraud because no achievement ever felt like the one that made you worthy?
And now as an adult woeking yourself to exhaustion, hoping someone, somewhere will finally say, “You did enough.”
You struggled to accept love unless you’re actively proving why you deserve it.
And the worst part? Even if someone tells you “You are enough”, you don’t believe them. Because that’s not how love worked when you were growing up, was it?
2. The Fear of Conflict and the Weight of Silence
Were your emotions dismissed with frustration, sighs, or threats? Did crying lead to more scolding instead of comfort? Did you learn that expressing pain or disappointment only made things worse?
Or maybe your emotions were greeted with a well-timed sigh and an eye-roll, teaching you that being upset was just so inconvenient for everyone else.
Now, when someone mistreats you, you either say something and feel like you’re being difficult or say nothing and spiral into silent resentment while overanalyzing every interaction for weeks, or cry alone in the shower because that’s the only place no one can tell you to stop.
Because somewhere deep down, you learned that your feelings were an inconvenience rather than something that deserved to be heard.
You’ve unlocked the ability to avoid conflict at all costs, even when it’s eating you alive.
3. Happiness Feels Like Borrowed Time
Did joy ever come with conditions, a passive-aggressive comment? Were you ever made to feel guilty for relaxing?
Maybe it was a simple “Oh, so you have time for that?” when you were watching TV, or a “You think life is all fun and games?” when you were, you know, being a child.
Now, fun feels like something you have to earn, it feels unfamiliar. Joy is something that must be justified because surely, something bad is coming.
So when you finally feel happiness, you downplay it . “It’s not a big deal.” (Yes, it is.)
You get anxious, waiting for something to go wrong.
Or, Self-sabotage because deep down, happiness feels like a mistake, and mistakes were never allowed.
Oh, to be the kind of person who can embrace joy without the lingering thought of, “Do I really deserve this?”
4. Love? Either You Run or You Cling for Dear Life.
Did love in your house feel… conditional? Did affection depend on your grades, your behaviour, and your ability to meet expectations?
Well, now you avoid intimacy like it’s a trap (because obviously, love means eventual disappointment).
You attach too quickly, overanalyzing every small change in someone’s behaviour, fearing abandonment.
You never feel truly secure in any relationship because you learned early on that love wasn’t a guarantee, it was a performance.
And the worst part? Even when you meet someone who loves you fully, you don’t know what to do with it. Because love without conditions? That’s new territory. And new territory is terrifying.
5. Saying ‘No’ Feels Like a Crime.
Did you have autonomy as a child, or was it a dictatorship where “Because I said so” ended every discussion?
Now, saying no feels… wrong. So instead, you :
Take on more than you can handle, afraid to disappoint others.
Feel guilty for setting boundaries because disappointing people = losing love, right?
Let people walk all over you because standing up for yourself is terrifying.
And if you do say no? The guilt eats at you for days. Because somewhere deep down, you still believe that putting yourself first is selfish.
6. Mistakes? Immediate Death Sentence.
Did messing up as a kid feel like the end of the world? Were you shamed for poor grades, scolded for tiny errors, and treated like perfection was the bare minimum?
Now, that fear follows you. It might show up as:
Procrastination because if you never start, you can’t fail.
Avoiding new opportunities, fearing the possibility of getting it wrong, because trying new things = potential failure = unbearable shame
Holding onto past mistakes, unable to forgive yourself for things long forgotten by others.
It’s exhausting. And the irony? Mistakes were never the problem. The problem was that you were never allowed to believe they were okay.
7. Emotions Feel Unsafe or Unnecessary
Did you learn to swallow your feelings because “being strong” meant not crying?
Now, vulnerability feels like weakness. So you:
Struggle to open up because who actually cares, right?
Dismiss your own emotions because others have it worse.
Push through pain instead of processing it because what else are you supposed to do?
But here’s the thing, strength isn’t about pretending you don’t feel. It’s about allowing yourself to feel without shame.
I hope you heal from the trauma that no one ever apologized for.
8. You Destroy Good Things Before They Can Leave You First.
Did childhood teach you that happiness is temporary? That stability is an illusion?
Now, you find yourself:
Push people away before they have the chance to leave
Turning down opportunities because success feels scarier than failure.
Sabotaging yourself just to feel in control of the downfall.
Because deep down, you’d rather be the one to leave than the one left behind.
Breaking the Cycle: Healing Starts Here.
If any of this hurts to read, that’s because it should. Not because you’re broken, but because you’ve spent your whole life convincing yourself that you aren’t.
But here’s the truth:
You were never too sensitive. You were hurt.
You were never unworthy. You were just taught that love had to be earned.
You are not your trauma. You are not your past.
Healing is slow. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s possible.
Your childhood shaped you. But you? You get to shape what happens next. You deserve the kind of love and kindness you have always given to others.
And if no one told you this before
you deserved better. You still do.
For more unfiltered conversations on trauma, healing, and self-discovery, check out my space at Her Campus at MUJ.