October. The month of transitions, falling apart and rebuilding. Fall is one of the most beautiful and calm seasons to exist. It brings you warm sunshine, calm days, silent evenings and LOTS of self-introspection.
This month and this season have always been all about letting go.
Letting go of a habit, an inner demon, a situation, or a person. The truth about letting go and running away is that it feels threatening and selfish, but it’s needed.
I’ve always held onto things and people and poured into their cups until mine was empty. I’ve always tried to give in until I had nothing left until I lost my vision of who I became and who I was supposed to be. I’ve never been an easy soul.
Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
David Foster Wallace
Whenever I treated myself with delusions and the makeshift happiness of fitting in, I was always hit full in the face.
But as they say, puzzle pieces cannot be forced to fit and join together. So, I tried shapeshifting, ditched my reflections, and plastered my soul, and mind just to be loved, just to be seen.
I always viewed letting go as an easy breeze. Even though it initially felt like a hailstorm, the way it ached; the sunshine that came after it, made everything worth it.
Taylor Swift once rightfully said,
That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it’s time to go
-it’s time to go, evermore (2020), Taylor Swift
Letting go is always better than holding on until your hands bleed. Neglecting yourself and your emotions just to keep giving in and in while you get nothing back is what always causes the damage. Letting go is the bandaid that helps with the wounds that holding onto it so dearly caused.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
― Ann Landers
Letting go is never selfish. It’s more about realising that the only person that you have control over is YOU, choosing yourself over the situation or the person that hurt you is only the first step of letting go. Remember, the cup you emptied while pouring into others can only be reconstructed and filled by you. Yes, it would be hard and eerily daunting at first and that is completely okay to feel like, but you always need to take a step back and note what is better for you. Choosing yourself or holding on to the point of being drained?
The answer is that choosing yourself over what hurts you is never selfish. It is actually what is needed.
Sometimes your self-worth is way bigger than the situation or the person who keeps on hurting you. Packing up your bags and leaving and letting go is sometimes what is needed to respect yourself and the person you are and honour how far you’ve come along.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
–Steve Maraboli
You can always set yourself free and run away to choose the better version of yourself. Letting go is more like giving relief to the soul and the mind. It’s like taking off a ton of heavy baggage that you’d been carrying around for so long.
You’re always one decision away from being closer to your higher, better self.
In any situation, there’s always that one breaking point where you sit and wonder, “Am I even doing myself justice by staying?”, and that is exactly where the moment is holding on is way more damaging and hurting than letting go.
Sometimes, you just have to let go for the betterment of your future. Letting go is the first step to let the wounds heal rather than worsening them.
“Sometimes, givin’ up is the strong thing
Sometimes, to run is the brave thing
Sometimes, walkin’ out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
-evermore, Taylor Swift”
This season, this month has always meant so much to me. Through the years, I had to unlearn that holding on and bleeding is not going to change someone’s mind or that it isn’t going to change the ground reality of a situation. The only thing I can control is how I deal with it. I had to go a long way and learn that prioritising myself and valuing my self-worth by letting go is never selfish.
As much as Fall has always been about falling apart, it’s also about coming back and rebuilding even more beautifully.
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