My 21-year-old sister’s boyfriend called me up one day and exclaimed, “Swati! your sister drives me crazy sometimes. She has been resenting something but won’t tell me. Whats wrong? What do I do?” I cracked up. Imagine calling up a 19-year-old who has literally only dated one man in her life, to help you with your relationship problems. How bold of you! I talked to him and realized how much my sister needs to listen and how much her boyfriend needs to be heard.
There are so many assumptions of what women think men want and vice versa. In this article, let us focus on a man’s needs in a relationship.
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An Honest Communication: Her boyfriend’s main concern was when my sister would be upset at him, she gets passive-aggressive. She wouldn’t tell him what’s wrong, rather expect him to understand without communicating. “But Swati tell me one thing if I knew what I did wrong, why would I have done it in the first place?” he told me. Men want their partners to tell them about their needs and wants verbally and clearly rather than expecting men to read their minds.
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Physical Intimacy: I have had men tell me how they have never been touched affectionately, in a non-sexual way. How when I hugged them or playfully touch their face and gave a peck on their cheeks, it made them feel something entirely new. Physical intimacy has not even been a part of their growing up. And that’s genuinely sad. Sometimes, or a lot of times, your man wants to be the smaller spoon. Your man wants to be held.
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Emotional Support: Men are exhausted from being strong all the time, be it physically or mentally. Your man doesn’t want you to freak out if he calls you up one night at 2 a.m. and just cries. He wants you to just be there to listen. Men do not want you to criticize them for not having their shit together. They don’t show emotions not because they don’t have any, but because they are scared to be vulnerable. Let your man be vulnerable, create a safe space.
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Treat your man: Men want to be taken out on dates. They long for waking up to a bunch of flowers with cute little notes. Sometimes, they want you to pull out the chair and hold the door as they do for you. (Although I believe everyone should pull out their own freaking chairs and open the god damn door by themselves instead of relying on others but okay). So the next time you see your man, get him flowers.
In conclusion, the needs of a man are not any different from the needs of a woman. So here’s to healthy relationships and better communications (which reminds me I still have to figure out what’s going on with my sister and her boyfriend so I should better leave).