The Battle for Self-Love While Living with Anxiety and Depression: How to Fight and Win

Living with anxiety or depression can make self-love seem absolutely impossible, but knowing you’re worth the fight already gives you leverage in this battle, so I’m glad you clicked this link. If you are someone who struggles or has struggled with anxiety or depression, you’re no stranger to this fight. But in order to win, we must know how to combat it and that means researching your opponent, so let’s remember what fuels these nasty joy-suckers. Fear, anger and shame typically go hand-in-hand with the emotions you feel when you’re anxious or depressed. The trick, though, is allowing love to flood those untouched areas, those dark fields in our mind where depression and anxiety grow. 

According to Elements Behavioral Health, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States affecting more than 40 million Americans over the age of 18, and according to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, approximately 14.8 million Americans are affected by depression.

This year I challenge you to love yourself. It is something that will have to be practiced. It will require daily effort and it will be something you have to work toward every day, but one day you will find yourself able to truly say, “I love who I am,” and there won’t be a single person or a single word that will shake your confidence. Because you were not reliant on other people to tell you why you should love yourself, you will be able to do it all on your own without anyone else’s input.

It’s such a taboo topic, mostly because it seems so out of reach. There are very few people who can confidently say, “I love myself in all my entirety,” but what if I told not only do you have every right to say that, but that it is totally possible to achieve a mindset that not only says it but also believes it?

OK, I know what you’re thinking. “Yeah, self-love sounds great. It sounds amazing actually, but I’m in no condition to love myself. I wish I could, but I don’t know how.” This sets me up perfectly for my first point.

Quit creating conditions for self-love

First thing’s first. Quit loving yourself under conditions. You will never find yourself under the right circumstances. So love yourself all the time and under every condition. Start now, today. Stop telling yourself you’d love yourself if you were skinnier, prettier or smarter. Quit using your diet or workout plan as punishment. Do what you do because you love yourself. If you are someone who finds yourself “not in the right situation to self-love,” do not take this next statement lightly. Self-love is not a product of your happiness and contentment, your happiness and contentment is a product of your self-love.

Make time for yourself

Self-love is self-created. You are responsible for what runs around in your head. You are in charge of your mind. When you learn to entertain only positive thoughts and train your mind to kill negative ones, you will be unstoppable. Every morning, give yourself a few extra minutes before you head out the door to just look in the mirror. Think positively about yourself while noticing your positive attributes. You may find this hard at first, but just really try to notice the beautiful things about yourself. I promise you, they are there.

Take the time to get to know yourself again. Start all the way back at the beginning, start simple: write, journal, read, spend time relaxing and being creative. If you do not ever focus on yourself, you will eventually lose yourself entirely. Personally, I know that finding yourself again is a chore, but I’m asking you to care about yourself even when you don’t want to, even when it’s hard. Like any relationship, it takes time and practice, but it’s time to start taking back all the things anxiety and depression have been taking away from you.  

Do one thing you love every day

Sometimes you’re just going to have a bad day, and while that’s not encouraging or uplifting, it’s the truth. I don’t say it to discourage you, but to empower you. Remember, you are in control of the kind of day you have. Life is going to bring peaks and valleys and feeling like you’re stuck in a valley can be very disheartening. However, there is beauty in every season. Something I like to stick to is doing one thing every day that makes me happy. For example, a few of mine were cuddling with my nephew, buying new flowers for my room, taking the long way home or hugging my dad. Whatever makes you happy, no matter how big or small, make it the highlight of your day.

Be patient with yourself

Remember, no one changes overnight. This is why so many of our goals fail because we expect ourselves to change our lifestyles immediately. The truth is that it takes time and honestly, there will be bad days. There will be failed attempts. Quit demanding perfection and putting unnecessary expectations on yourself. Quit beating yourself up over mistakes and feeding into the lie that you’re anything but exceptional. 

Love others

Remember that just like you, others are learning to love themselves, too. Quit comparing yourself to that girl on Instagram, because she’s probably comparing herself to someone, too. There is beauty in just being you and accepting that is the key to unlocking self-love.

I have yet to find a person I don’t believe is beautiful, and if I can find the beauty in you, you can, too. I believe in you.

Thumbnail image via Adi Constantin on Unsplash

• self-love