Over the Chinese New Year weekend, I’ve had to face my fair share of slightly intrusive and personal questions from my relatives, such as “what are you doing now?” or “what do you plan to do?”. First and foremost, I love them and I appreciate their concern. However, after listening to them rattle on about my cousins, as young as they are, attending enrichment classes for each subject, alongside training in Taekwondo, Dance, Soccer… I felt inadequate about my past, and insecure about my future. Suddenly, getting into university didn’t sound all that impressive, even though it was something I had taken years to achieve.
The thing is, I never grew up with a tiger mum or kiasu parents. I didn’t spend my afternoons hunched over homework, nor did I get to don a little pink ballet leotard. I can play nursery rhymes on the piano but that’s about it. As a kid, I spent my time bingeing the High School Musical trilogy. Even then, I never thought of joining a Speech and Drama class. Nor did my parents pick up on my interest in theatre and consider signing me up for one. I was 13 when I was persuaded by my new friends at the time to join a Drama CCA. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if that extra push from my parents would’ve helped to develop me as a person.
Would I have been able to go to my dream school? Did I have untapped potential in some field I couldn’t discover? After all, there is biological value in starting something young, and you have more time for practice as well as room to make mistakes. It is a privilege that’s not easily afforded these days in our productivity-focused society, as seen in teenagers who eventually sacrifice their hobbies and interests for national exams. Although, their experience and passion make picking them up again easier, and I admire my friends who have spent years dedicated to perfecting their craft. As we get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to conjure up the confidence and determination to see something through, especially when we mess up, like all amateurs do. The rhetoric of “starting too late” hits too close to home in moments like that.
That said, while the life my cousins lead is one I’ll never know, it’s also one I don’t need to have. I’ve learnt, and needed to remind myself that there is much more that makes a person than just their talents or skills. Thanks to my parents, I grew to be independent. I made the decision to do everything I did then, and do now. If I had spent less time reading in the library, I might have not realised my passion for literature. If I had gone to a different school, my love for theatre would not have blossomed. There are rich layers to me as a person that I am proud of, and precious memories that wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have some part to play in my childhood and teenage years. Moreover, everyone’s bound to make mistakes, miss out on opportunities, or suffer the hand of fate. For example, most of us had to take a backseat in our lives during the height of the pandemic. If you relate to how I feel, cut yourself some slack by accepting that life is inevitably filled with regrets. However, it is also remediable by our actions.
That brings me to the fact that I tend to forget that I’m really young, but I consistently hold myself back most of the time from trying out new things. So, here is an important reminder that being “too old” or “too bad” at something are not good enough excuses. Life is a constant process of growth and development, and sometimes it requires us to go right back to the beginning – a toddler learning to take their first steps. Without that, we would not have had so many greats such as Marvel creator, Stan Lee, or Nobel and Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Toni Morrison, who both only accomplished their greatest works towards the later half of their lives.
Recently, I watched Everything, Everywhere, All At Once, the Oscar-nominated film about the multiverse, in which the protagonist, Evelyn Wang, happens to be the worst version of herself. One quote that stood out to me was delivered by Evelyn’s husband, Waymond Wang, in an attempt to encourage her, “You have so many goals you never finished, dreams you never followed. You’re living your worst you… but you, here, you’re capable of anything because you’re so bad at everything”. Although the lines are meant to be snickered at, there is hidden wisdom within them. Rather than scared, I should be thrilled that there might be more to me that I have yet to uncover. Coincidentally, Ke Huy Quan, the lead actor who plays Waymond, returned to acting at age 50 to pursue his dream once again after leaving the industry 20 years ago due to poor job offers. As of late, he has won “Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture” at the Golden Globes and is on track to win at the Oscars after receiving critical acclaim and unprecedented success. His Golden Globes acceptance speech is a favourite of mine, where he talks about how “for so many years, [he] was afraid [he] had nothing more to offer”.
So, in the end, it seems that things are bound to work out anyway.