At a Crossroads – Making the Unpopular Decision.

Hey, you. Do you sometimes wonder about another path, one less taken perhaps?

Picture this. You, fresh out of college, with little to no quality work experience and zero clue what you want to do. Your peers have started to apply for jobs as it’s the next logical step.

With our very first breath, we’re shown a conventional route to follow, largely motivated by wealth, relationships, sex, success, power etc. Humans are simple creatures – craving love, acceptance, recognition, peace at the end of it. I just wonder, if our decisions on the paths to take are subconsciously controlled by these conventions, without it being what we truly desire? 

As a fresh diploma holder then, I found myself slapped with these questions. It was one of those times – coping with a parent’s death, disappointments and the list goes on. I decided to take a break off school to gain some work and life experience. It was the right choice for me, albeit a tough one – because I still desired conformity, as we’ve always been taught to do.

At the crossroads between making an unpopular decision, (taking gap years, making a mid-career switch, taking that job abroad etc) and the “right” paths deemed by society, begs these questions: What now? What should you do? Which path to take?

If you’ve considered deviating from conventional routes and need some perspective, read on.

1. Be honest. What do you want?

This question pops up a ton: “How do I figure out what I want? Where do I begin?” 

Firstly, there is no shame in feeling lost as it’s the first step to finding yourself – It is you treading the wilderness on your own terms, without any one’s interference.

Have honest conversations with yourself. Pay attention to your passions that also give you meaning. Then match it to strengths you possess – whether it’s your people skills, adaptability or ability to cook a good pasta; jot them down and review it often. This will be your jumping off point for your next move.

2. It’s your life. Live it for yourself

As products of society, we’re taught that living is to fuel the machine that is the social system. Basic constructs like standardized testing practices, chasing grades for validation to bigger decisions like the school to attend, job to land, ideal partner and age to enter into matrimony are laid down for us. These conformational behaviors would play out not just in professional settings but also our personal one, for generations to come. 

“What do your parents do? Are they rich?”

“What does your partner do? What’s his/her salary?”

“What house do you live in?”

Sound familiar? The cycle continues and before you know it

“What schools are your kids attending?” 

“What is your kid working as and how much is he/she earning?” 

Humans are made unique and want different things in life. There is only one you, so realize this and embrace it. What makes someone else tick may not work for you, so why not spend your life doing what motivates you?

3. Hustle, Hard

Once you know what you want, you’ll realize there’s so much to get done.

Put yourself out there. Be resourceful and seek opportunities. Double, triple the effort and make the most out of each experience:

• Send out those resumes
• Sign up for as many volunteering stints and activities as possible
• Research, and do more research
• Expand your network, connect and seek advice from industry professionals

These are just some ideas out of the lot, adjust to suit your circumstance.

Of course, with new experiences comes dreadful knock-backs. Overcoming challenges is part of it. Adopt a fresh perspective and instead view failures as the building blocks of your future. Nothing happens in a vacuum and there are lessons to gain from every experience, if you let it.

4. Support starts with Self

Support from loved ones and especially within yourself means the world. 

Self-support is crucial because who else but you has been there 24/7, 365 days a year? Learn to be your biggest cheerleader. Engage in positive self talk. Relinquish the need for validation. Learn to be gentle with yourself through it all. 

In my journey, experiencing fear was inevitable as we are conditioned to be repulsed by the unknown. It’s okay to fear unfamiliar territories and the potential loneliness accompanying it. Disappointments are unavoidable, so what’s the point in being bent out of shape about them? Learning to roll with the punches life throws can be truly liberating. 

Support from those around me helped shape my perspectives and family has been my guidepost for everything. If there is a lack of such support systems or you’d like to seek more support, reach out and speak to a community: counsellors, national helplines and job coaches etc are available to provide insights or a listening ear. 

5. Most importantly, “Live a little!” 

Someone once told me, “Live a little! You seem to do a lot of worrying about what will happen but you can’t predict these things.” to which I replied, “I am living, enough. Life can be challenging as it is.” 

As much as we plan and prepare, life is unpredictable. You could be alive and well today but not the next. Life’s bound to surprise you, that’s guaranteed. Control is merely an illusion and the only thing we do have control over is ourselves, so choose to take it easy. 

Above all, you get to decide how you want to see and lead your life. There seems to be no definitive handbook, mathematical formula to be used as reference on how to live, because happiness is subjective. Sometimes, the right path for you may not make sense to others. There really isn’t any shortcut but to figure it out for yourself.

For me, I choose to see serendipity – benefiting from events that happen by chance. In a highly conformational society like Singapore’s, I do still believe there is no one right answer, only your own and one life.

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