The wildly popular show, Single’s Inferno, follows 12 single (and hot) men and women marooned on a deserted island, ‘Inferno’, where they engage in competitive games to win a chance at a date in ‘Paradise’, a hotel-like setting with a luxurious spread of food and drinks.
The island concept overarches the entire series, where contestants are expected to draw their own water from a barrel, cook meals from whatever materials they can find, and stew anxiously in the heat as they try to figure their way around dating each other. Though echoing a setting and tone seen in other similar reality shows like Love Island, it does not share the bad reputation of being trashy with ridiculous cat fights or 24/7 sexcapades. It does instead focus more on conversations and interactions, and perhaps presents a much more realistic approach to dating, where we can gain some takeaways that will help us navigate in this enigmatic world of dating.
Mere ideals are unreliable (and sometimes problematic)
One controversy of this series circled around the comments on appearances made by the male contestants when they were enthralled by their female counterparts’ fair and innocent dispositions.
Moon Se Hoon’s first impression of Shin Ji Yeon as she walks down the stairs in their introductory clips, was that “she seemed so white and pure”. This, of course, incited much critique and backlash from netizens on the racist and misogynistic overtones underlying his comment. “Pure, innocent, and untainted eyes” being desirable is sinisterly reminiscent of infantilisation, which men are constantly proven to engage in. It is likely because such innocence and purity are associated with the attributes that men are typically attracted to, that of being submissive and soft-spoken. Needless to say, this poses a huge, non-exhaustive list of problems in their attitudes. This is not an uncommon sight. A girl interviewed for one of our articles shared her personal anecdote titled “Jake Gyllenhall’s Junior”, talked about her experience during a date where her opinionated quality was frowned upon and met with patronising critique by her date.
It is also problematic when we see how throughout eight full episodes, Se Hoon pursues Ji Yeon relentlessly and his infatuation seemed to stem only from his attraction to her appearance.
His obsession with her was even called out by Ji Yeon herself to be superficial where, in a scene where she was pulled away by Se Hoon who wanted one-on-one time with her, she expressed her repulse at his persistent chase and questions his sincerity, exclaiming “You don’t even know me.” And she’s definitely right at that moment. We see that they’ve only had limited interactions, confined within the kitchen in the very first episode. The only thing about Ji Yeon that Se Hoon could possibly know about were her looks and, as he says, her “love for pink”. However, with what little he knows about her, he still obsessed over Ji Yeon to the point that he consistently chooses her as his partner of choice to ‘Paradise’, even though he was aware that both the newcomers, Seong Min Ji and Kim Su Min were interested in him, and with whom he evidently spent more than one interaction in a kitchen with.
No means no
Se Hoon has been said to be a 직진남 (jik-jin-nam) or “a man who speeds straight ahead”. His heart never strays from Jiyeon, who has a bright smile and is armed with a quiet strength.
I’m not convinced by the romantic lens in which we’re told to view Se Hoon as a jik-jin-nam. We don’t owe someone else our feelings because they’ve “worked for it”. To me, Se Hoon appeared to be a classic example of an inconsiderate man who cannot take no for an answer and does not respect boundaries. Ji Yeon clearly does not want to be pursued by Se Hoon. She relies on statements like “I’m sleepy” and “Oh, this is awkward” to make her point.
Still, we see Se Hoon actively going after her and even choosing Ji Yeon, and only Ji Yeon, to be his partner to go with to ‘Paradise’. The immediate cut to her reaction after he says her name for his choice was one that brought me laughter, as Ji Yeon bows her head in a “FML” moment. Because of the rules of the game, Ji Yeon did not have a say in this, and was rendered helpless while Se Hoon bashfully smiled, as if he finally got his hands on a prize he’s been wanting to win.
Don’t confuse ‘softboys’ with ‘men written by women’
Se Hoon falls into the classic softboy trope and is definitely a “man written by men”. Things worked out well for lucky Se Hoon, though — by the end of the series we have perhaps gotten past our judgement of him as a creepy stalker. The breakthrough between him and Ji Yeon happened in his first and only time to ‘Paradise’ with her, where during their date, the heartfelt sincerity of Se Hoon brought Ji Yeon to tears. Immediately, we see how endearing Se Hoon is as he instinctively gets up from his side of the table, runs over to hers and passes her a napkin and wipes her tears. While Ji Yeon was fumbling about trying to regain composure, Se Hoon had his hands placed on the back of her chair as he looks deeply at her. This was definitely an “aww” moment.
Such emotions and softness that Se Hoon displayed is a trait that defined an entire trope of men that many girls like me fall for — the “softboy” and very much evocative of the trope men written by women as well. Urban Dictionary defines softboy as “A less masculine boy who is described as “cute” based on their soft or gentle characteristics” and Se Hoon embodies these in his lack of involvement in stereotypical masculine activities like gaming and sports, preferring ballad music and cooking, with his occupation being a chef.
However, we need to discern between a softboy and a man written by women, the latter I would argue as more favourable. Men written by women is defined by Urban Dictionary as “an expression meaning to say that a man is truly a good person. They are socially aware, respectful intersectional feminists. They do not care for toxic masculinity and very often have a soothing presence to those around them.” Clearly, we cannot say that Se Hoon belongs to this group of men. From his superficially-driven pursuit of Ji Yeon, to his disrespect of her boundaries — ultimately, he is merely a softboy in his less masculine mannerisms, but is definitely not well-mannered enough to be a man written by women.
Seek clarity instead of overthinking
Many times while dating, we fall prey to overthinking, especially when either party is not good at communicating. Cliché as it is, the undefeated adage “Communication is key” proved its timeless truth in the journey of Kang So Yeon and Oh Jin Taek.
So Yeon is the epitome of the empowered woman, who initiates and is unafraid of revealing her vulnerabilities. Upon catching the vibe that Jin Taek may not be as interested and devoted to her as he says he is, So Yeon pulls him aside for a conversation and straightforwardly lays her discomfort with how he handled things onto the table (literally, as they had this conversation at a table): She thought he said she was the only one he’d like to go to the hotel with, so why did he pick Ji Yeon instead? She even asks the big question, “Was that the reason (Jin Taek expressing his preference for tall girls and Ji Yeon, a tall girl) you chose her after me?”.
This is quite reminiscent of a question most of us spend nights worrying about, but is so afraid to ask our crush: “Do you like her?” In one of their most significant heart-to-hearts that became a turning point in their relationship, So Yeon once again, held nothing back and forwardly expressed, “I know you’re just following your heart, but I feel like you’re playing with me.” I’m sure this is a sentiment many of us resonate with and likely to have experienced in dating, where it feels like we are given mixed signals and we are afraid that our feelings are not reciprocated even though the other party seems promising.
Jin Taek then expresses his side of things, that “I’m not even sure if you’re interested in me at all” because So Yeon rarely made any moves on him. So Yeon then openly received this, making their interaction a prime example of good communication. As the saying goes, “it takes two hands to clap”.
It’s delightful to witness them ensure their words reflect their actions the next day. So Yeon actively makes little gestures which help Jin Taek feel appreciated, and later checks in with him to see whether it was the right move. (It was.) Jin Taek, in turn, returns to focus solely on her. Their subsequent visits to Paradise are the closest thing to uncomplicated bliss we’ll see on reality TV.
Dating’s hard, huh?
I am sure many of us who have dipped our toes in dating have realised that the dating world is an unpredictable minefield — one minute you have peace and quiet, and another you have bombs going off in your mind. As we watch the contestants on Single’s Inferno fall in and out of love and attempt to communicate these to their love interests, we are reminded of our own attempts to navigate the labyrinth of our dating life, like trying to suss out the other’s intentions and perhaps misjudging their character.
The show brings to light that we are not alone in our struggles, presenting to us dating in a realistic setting, one that is away from a merely sex-fuelled environment. The emotional rollercoaster contestants experience is one that many of us can resonate with, and we can learn from them better ways to handle the bumps that we perhaps did not know of before.