It appears that many of us expect ourselves to ‘have it all together’ once we hit our twenties. I get it though, it’s both exciting and daunting being on the cusp of adulthood. On one hand, it feels as if you finally get to make important decisions at the age of 21. On the other hand, you’re immensely pressured to live out your best life.
I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with trying your best and wanting to get adulthood ‘right’, but is this goal even realistic? I think we tend to forget that adults are also allowed to make mistakes and that we’re all only human.
Looking back, here’s what some women have to say to their 21-year-old selves and these might resonate with your inner child:
Jenna Yong, 25
“You only have one life so live it well, live it fulfilled and live it with joy. Let go of the expectation that you have to reach ‘somewhere’ by a certain age. This is your individual race and at the end of the day, you matter the most.”
Most of us want to achieve personal goals by a certain age – whether it’s to land the dream job by the time you graduate or to afford a house before you turn 30. The truth is, there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ route to follow. The pressure to succeed is very high but it’s always important to remember that everyone has their own unique journey. Enjoying the process will ultimately lead to a better quality of life.
Rebecca Liew, 22
“Dear me,
Being 21 is going to be tough.
Discovering new emotions and understanding how you feel is okay.
It’s okay to feel grief.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to not be okay.
The year is going to be full of uncertainties, but you will discover the rainbow behind the storm. Just remember that whenever you are feeling the loss, look around you. You are loved and blessed with people around you, who will stick with you through this grey period.”
My grandpa passed on during the circuit breaker period, just one week after my 21st birthday. Losing someone dear to you has got to be one of the toughest journeys ever, but you should never have to work through grief alone.
Mona Ng, 22
“The growth that we seek will come eventually, we just need to wait for the right time.”
My younger self was always unconfident; I seemed to underperform in every area. Also, I used to see myself as an unlucky individual and often blamed my circumstances. At one point in time, I even thought this would be the outlook for the rest of my life — I was always going to be an underachiever who was never going to change.
However, as I persevered and kept moving forward, I realised that I was gradually learning how to overcome challenges, and that’s how I grew to become the confident and optimistic person that I am today.
In retrospect, I want to tell myself to trust that things will get better and to keep working hard and not give up. Even if it’s going to take a longer time than my peers, I’m going to wait for the right time and opportunities meant for me.
I really like this quote by John Lennon, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” It reminds us that we need to keep persevering to see the end, even if the difficult period is long.
Danielle Tay, 27
“Nobody else’s opinion matters more than yours.”
At 21, I was a lost university student with no bearing on life. I had no idea what I was going to do approaching graduation. I have come to understand that people will always talk, some even tell you what they think of you but all that matters is how you perceive yourself. You are your biggest supporter!
Sereenjit Kaur, 24
“I would tell myself to be patient and believe in myself because I have what it takes to overcome the obstacles that I face.”
I’ve learnt that it’s important to go through life at my own pace, so that I can overcome these obstacles to the best of my capabilities. If I had believed in myself or did not overthink my decisions as much, it would have made it much easier for me to face them while deciding what I want to achieve in life.
Seraphina Yong, 31
“Don’t be afraid to spread your wings and pursue things beyond societal norms. Do your best in every season of your life but not at the expense of breaking yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You are on your own path, there is no need to worry about what everyone else is doing in their life. Take that career break if you need to prioritise your mental health. Make that solo trip happen, explore the world, discover your true self. You don’t need to grow up too fast, don’t rush it, embrace it, breathe and remember to play!”
Yes, I have tried everything mentioned above and that’s when I felt like I have lived my life purposefully. I used to care too much about what others think and it stunted my growth. I wish someone had told me this when I was 21, so I could handle life a little bit better, a little earlier and a little bit more thoughtfully. That said, I fully embrace my life experiences so here I am with these words, to help make yours better.
This one’s from me:
Cherrell Ng, 22
“You will know love, again.
You will meet her in some of the toughest moments, like when you’re choosing not to cry yourself to sleep for the first time, or when you’re trying to wrap your head around the pain, accepting that you need time to heal –
And you will meet her in beautiful moments nonetheless! Like in the blossoming of a new connection, or in the steadiness of a long-standing friendship and in the comfort of a warm hug by a loved one.
This time, you will meet love with peace.”
I think my understanding of love has changed vastly over the years and for a long time, I struggled to make peace with my past. Presently, I’m still learning to practice self-love. Even though adulting has been a difficult journey, I’m always thankful for the support by my friends and family.
Dear reader, I hope that you too are able to look back on your younger years with acceptance, patience and empathy, even if you weren’t able to in the moment. You’re fully deserving of that.