This International Women’s Day, we are excited to speak with various noteworthy women that are and remains an inspiration to many. Her Campus at Nanyang Tech sat down with second generation leader of Matchsticks of IMH, Xavierlyn, to speak about depression, mental health, and how you can support those struggling with mental health.
After getting diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) in 2017, NTU alumna Xavierlyn began her recovery journey with the help of medication and psychotherapy. She noted that it was a painful journey which involved unlearning negative thought patterns and challenging dysfunctional beliefs. She has spent a significant part of her life struggling with self-love and poor body image, leading her to confront traumatic childhood experiences, knowing that they shaped who she was and understanding them was imperative for her to move forward. Her brave, head on approach to battling depression has definitely allowed her to rediscover herself, propelling her to understanding herself more. Currently, she is definitely in a much better place and has improved in self-regulating in this never-ending journey of growth.
How has your perception about yourself changed since then?
I definitely have seen a huge improvement in my perception towards my body and have greater self-compassion. I used to be a huge people pleaser but I’ve learnt to set stronger boundaries and voice my discomfort. I’ve also learnt to accept that every body is made different. What matters the most isn’t the number on the scale but how I feel on the inside; so I’ve been focusing on what I’m doing to improve my health (exercising/taking healthy food etc).
I realised that there were going to be days where I felt like I was back at Square 1 but recovery isn’t linear and not all days are good. I’ve learnt to be kinder to myself on bad days and remind myself that it’s alright to take a break and reach out for help if needed.
How can others be there for a friend struggling with mental health?
Sometimes, support can go beyond words. Sitting with a friend in silence or even sending small notes of encouragement can help a person feel loved even if it doesn’t remove their mental health struggles. Checking in on a friend periodically and being there to listen can also go a long way.
However, I have to emphasize that self-care and setting boundaries are paramount when you’re providing support to another person. When we take care of our mental health, we then have the capacity to continue providing care for others.
How can friends and family help or stay alert to an individual struggling with mental health?
Everyone presents their mental health struggles in different ways but I think a relatively clear indicator would be if someone starts behaving differently or experiencing extreme mood changes.
It is important not to assume why the person is behaving/feeling this way. A person may not feel comfortable sharing as well so do not take it personally or get upset about it! It’s helpful to leave the help-seeking avenue open in case the person changes his/her mind. An example can be saying, “It’s alright if you do not feel comfortable sharing. I’ll be here if you need someone there or if you feel like talking about it.”
Are there any hotlines, individuals, or communities you would recommend to someone seeking help?
For you/a friend is in emotional distress, here are a list of hotlines that you can consider:
National CARE hotline: 1800-202-6868
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)’s 24H hotline: 1-767 (they also have a 24H chat box on their website!)
Touchline Counselling: 1800 377 2252
Fei Yue online counselling service: https://www.ec2.sg/
There are counselling services available at Family Service Centres (FSCs) which are located in the heartlands so you can also consider reaching out to them!
Matchsticks of IMH
As the second generation leader of Matchsticks of IMH in 2017, Xavierlyn continues leading the organisation with passion and gusto.
What is Matchsticks of IMH?
Matchsticks of IMH is a youth volunteering group based in the Institute of Mental Health (IMH). Prior to Covid-19, we volunteered weekly at the acute and long-stay psychiatric wards, planning and executing activities such as art and crafts, board games, sports and befriending. We also planned outings, parties and movie screening for the residents! A huge part of our work also involves advocacy and outreach as well so we’ve worked with schools to hold workshops and events to spread mental health awareness.
Currently, our activities are held online due to Covid-19 but we’ve organised a few adhoc special projects to bring joy to the residents and to spread mental health awareness.
What motivated you to lead Matchsticks of IMH?
Both the volunteers and residents motivate me to continue leading Matchsticks of IMH.
Unlike media and societal stereotypes, the residents we’ve interacted with are not violent and are generous and loving. At the end of the day, they are just humans we shouldn’t be afraid of. I also believe that volunteers are privileged to be able to gain insights into the lives of the residents. Our experiences interacting with the residents in the hospital place us in a unique position to advocate for them and be their voice outside of the hospital.
This encourages me to go beyond befriending, and focus on advocacy and volunteer welfare. I enjoy encouraging volunteers to contribute beyond befriending and guide/mentor them to become confident leaders and advocates.
What can the public do to lend support to Matchsticks of IMH?
We published an e-book recently which collates volunteer anecdotes! We would greatly appreciate if people could read and share it with their social circles: https://tinyurl.com/burningbrightertogether
Currently, our sessions are held virtually and we are looking for performers or individuals who are keen and able to hold art workshops online! You can reach out to us here: imhmatchsticks@gmail.com
If you’re keen to volunteer with us, you can also sign up here: https://www.giving.sg/web/_comgrp_matchsticks-of-imh
“Struggling with mental health may make it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel and you may find it hard to reach out to someone for help at times. Please reach out to someone you trust and are able to confide in. Your feelings are valid and you’re not alone in your struggles.
– Xavierlyn