After reading about how a 22 year old man went missing in NTU, my friends and I urged one of our friends not to run when it’s too late at night, and to only run in well-lit areas out of fear for her safety. She mentioned that she had a running partner who was an older guy, and she mentioned that latching on to his ‘male privilege’ made her feel safer running at night. Lots of men run in NTU at night without a single thought about safety besides falling into a ditch.
On Masterchef Canada Season 7, Mai, a top ranking contestant, was called “a strongly opinionated leader”. In a heated interview after, she pointed out that if a man did what she did as a leader, he would be called strong, confident and assertive. However, when a woman does it, she is called strongly opinionated and domineering. I realised she just described my entire life.
When I read the article about the 4 men who raped and shared their wives to fulfill their sexual fantasies, the notion of “It would be lucky of me if I didn’t end up in that kind of situation in the future” halted my train of thought. Did I set the bar so low that all I expected of my future husband was not to rape me? It seems like most complaints and concerns from our male counterparts are about how women want them to pay for everything, are too needy, too whiny, wear too much makeup; while on the flip side, women’s concerns often include safety, and just praying that their next date wouldn’t assault them.
It is placing your bag on your lap or by your side on public transport to avoid getting molested. It is crossing your legs so that the man opposite you wouldn’t accidentally be aroused. It’s ensuring that you are not facing sideways, against the transparent barriers of escalators in case someone below takes an upskirt video of you. It’s taking the lift only if you’re alone or with multiple people, but never with one man. It’s sending your grab details and location to your family in case a male driver takes you to secluded areas and violates you.
It’s fending off verbal sexual harassment from your male friends, realising you’re not quite as safe as you thought you were. It’s the shock running through your body when you overhear locker room talk; what is said about women behind the gates of Tekong and more.
Watching some men change their attitudes and treatment towards you when they find out you’re attached has to be one of those moments that permanently change your brain chemistry. More often than not, the men you see as friends have a primary goal of charming you into a romantic relationship and nothing more. It is always a dreadful epiphanic moment when you realise that men only stop harassing you when they find out you are “claimed territory”, that you are in a relationship, that they never have really seen you for more than a property or a toy.
How often have Singaporeans said that gender inequality doesn’t exist here? While a women’s charter does exist and women are given free will to work and study as they please, gender inequality remains rampant in our society. Sexual assault and harassment frequently appear in the news and many traditional roles remain entrenched in our culture and values.
The next time a man tells you that “gender inequality is not so bad in Singapore what!” or “please lah, y’all better off than us, we need go army sia”, sharing a simple anecdote of your daily life is all you would need to do.