You might be wondering what exactly is disordered eating. Disordered eating can look like having restrictive or compulsive eating habits and an obsession with food and body image. It is something that many people struggle with, including myself.
Coming into womanhood and experiencing the natural changes of the female body has been something that a lot of young women have a hard time accepting. As someone who has grown up in a smaller body and been praised for being “tiny” my whole life, it is hard to cope with the fact that being “tiny” or “skinny” is no longer part of my identity. For the past few years I have put myself through intense and restrictive diets, only to end up binging and feeling extreme guilt over eating. It is an exhausting cycle that so many people go through. The obsession over what to eat next or whether am I going to be able to get my workout in had taken over my life to the point where avoiding any socializing seemed better than “extra calories”. The concept that I’ve had to underfeed myself in order to enjoy a vacation or a holiday is something that had become normal in my mind. Under-fueling my body had led me to very dark places with myself. I would describe the times in my life when I have been underweight as a result of disordered eating as absolutely miserable. I have experienced the loss of hair, all breast tissue, a period, friends, and lots of body fat from disordered eating. It is a really ugly cycle that is mentally taxing and can also have negative effects on your physical health.
Disordered eating can look different for everyone and body dysmorphia can really cloud someone’s mind and body image. Skipping meals, saving calories, or constantly thinking about food are not healthy behaviors and it is important to get help and take the time to work on positive self-talk and body image. Although I still very much struggle with disordered eating and my body image, there comes a point where we all have to accept how our body looks. It’s okay to have some extra weight on your stomach or arms. It’s okay to go out with friends on a random night and have ice cream or a few drinks and not think about it as “extra calories”. It’s okay to skip your workout because you simply don’t feel like it. Life is not worth putting on pause in order to be in shape or have the perfect body. When it comes down to it, how your body looks is completely superficial. You’re still going to be able to find your soulmate and be happy no matter what your body looks like. Anyone that criticizes your natural, human body is not worthy of your time and a healthy and happy body is what is most beautiful.