While walking or driving near campus, I see all the graduates posing for pictures in their white dresses, caps, and gowns. For the last two years, I have looked at them and admired them because I knew that I would be in the same position in a few years. But now, as I’m nearing the end of my junior year, I feel fearful and dreadful when I see the graduates smiling into the camera lens. I graduate in a year from now and I’m already feeling the anxiety of graduation. It’s a bittersweet feeling to graduate: the mixture of feeling terrified to leave NC State and move on but also the excitement to finally get the degree I’ve been working so hard for.
I live off campus now and whenever I come to campus and walk around- especially near Talley Student Union and the freshman dorms- I realize how much I am going to miss the community that college provides for everyone. I am so lucky to have met my best friends at the beginning of my freshman year at NCSU because I know many people aren’t so lucky and have a rough time meeting people in college. That was my biggest fear coming into NCSU- finding good friends to last throughout college and hopefully after college. I got lucky and bonded so well with my freshman year roommate and we’re still roommates and best friends now!
As I reflect on my first 3 years of college, I realize how much I’ve grown and changed for the better. When I look at the picture of 18-year-old me on the day I moved into Metcalf residence hall (if you’ve ever had to live there, I’m so sorry), sitting on my lofted bed giving the camera 2 thumbs up, I think about how far I’ve come since then. It’s hard to tell, but in that picture, I had a pit of anxiety in my stomach because I knew my parents were about to leave me and drive 8 hours back to our house in New Jersey. I was terrified about starting my first classes as an NC State student the next day and about living with someone I hardly knew in the smallest dorm known to man for an entire year. I laugh to myself when I see that photo because now I can tell the younger version of me that it is all going to be okay.
It’s hard to imagine life as an actual adult with a full-time job and not as a student anymore after being a student my whole life. I’ve seen many TikToks recently of people showing videos of their lives in college and then after college. The caption is “How do you go from this” *insert fun videos from college* “to this” *insert boring, depressing videos of working a 9 to 5* These TikToks have not helped with my anxiety about graduation.
When people ask me if I’m excited to be a senior and move on, they expect me to say “YES!!” with the biggest smile on my face. But when I give them a “meh” with a look of confusion and worry, they say “Aren’t you excited to get your degree and work in a field that you love?” Of course, I am excited to pursue the career I’ve been working towards, but as I said before, I am going to miss the community and opportunities that college provides for everyone. When will I ever be 20 years old again living with my 3 best friends? NEVER! This is why I want to make the most out of my college experience while I still have another year left.
The kind of mindset I want to have for senior year is: I have the whole rest of my life to work and make money so why not just live it up and soak up my last year at NC State? I’ll still work my part-time job so I don’t go entirely broke, but I want to spend time with my friends and enjoy all that Raleigh has to offer before we all go our separate ways.
Graduation and adulthood are inevitable. I know that day is coming in almost a year from now where I’m going to walk across that stage and take my diploma and then it’s going to be over. I will no longer be a student but instead a Wolfpack alumni. I will feel relieved, grateful, and accomplished once my hard work has finally paid off but also sad and reminiscent of my 4 years as a part of the pack that went by too fast. The best I can do before that day comes is have as much fun as I can while I still can. Go to as many football games and other sports events as possible, go to as many house shows as I can, enjoy the downtown nightlife of Raleigh with my girls, and of course, continue to work my butt off in my classes. So that when the time comes to throw my cap in the air, I’ll feel fulfilled and appreciative of having the best undergrad experience.