I haven’t met a single woman who hasn’t at some point in her life struggled with insecurity. It’s an extremely common, yet obviously difficult thing that women have to endure. The sad thing is, that insecurity was a manmade concept. We had not a care in the world what our bodies and faces looked like to other people when there wasn’t a societal standard judging us daily. Yet now all we have to do is scroll on Instagram and see hundreds of highlight reels of user’s “perfect” lives for us to compare ours to. I was a victim of comparison for the majority of my life. Constantly trying the new fad diet to drop “10 pounds in 3 days” because Kylie Jenner did it or changing my hair to keep up with the trends.
Moral of the story, I look back now embarrassed at the way I treated myself because I didn’t think the authentic version of me was good enough. It may have taken time, but I now look in the mirror absolutely satisfied with the girl looking back at me. Because maybe she isn’t what society deems super-model-front-page-worthy, but she’s absolutely 100% herself, and that is fine with her.
That being said here’s the exact steps I’m taking in 2023 to become the best and most authentic version of myself…and absolutely adore her.
Step 1: Compliment Yourself and take compliments!!!
I know personally I am just about the most awkward human in the world. Getting complimented used to be super uncomfortable to me because what was I supposed to say? I didn’t agree and I rarely believed anyone who complimented me anyways. So, I usually would back down and instantly reply “oh no I don’t” or “who me? nooo”. But why did I do this? Why did I not simply just let them compliment and praise me. People aren’t complimenting you for no reason, they mean it!!! Let yourself be admired; you deserve it. An exercise that helps with this is repeating affirmations to yourself such as:
- I am beautiful
- I am smart
- I deserve happiness
- Everything that I am is enough
Once you realize what you bring to the table, you’ll be comfortable eating alone. Simply replying “thank you” to a compliment is all you have to do. Walk away knowing that they said that because they meant it. And if you’re not receiving an abundance of compliments constantly then compliment yourself. Fill your heart with affirmations, and eventually your mind will start to believe them.
STep 2: Take care of your mind and body
The body that you have right now, like it or not, is the only one you get here on Earth. Treat it like that. You may feel insignificant to the world around you in terms of how your body looks, but there’s one extremely unique thing about it, its yours. No one else compares to you because every single one of us are different in our own way. It took me so long to realize that we as humans aren’t meant to look exactly like one another. We aren’t all meant to be Kendall Jenner thin or have Jennifer Aniston hair. That little, tiny detail that you may hate about yourself, is heavily admired by someone from across the room. “Did you see her freckles? Gosh I wish I had them across my cheeks like that” she says, just as you were criticizing the marks.
One thing that I have struggled with astronomically my whole life is my body image. I overanalyze every detail until I absolutely hate the person I see in the mirror across from me. One thing I’m doing to help overcome this in 2023 is working out and eating to feel good, not to look good. As one who has tried and tried and tried to to lose weight, clear acne, grow my hair, eliminate cellulite, you name it. I have tried it all. And take it from me when I say, you will never be satisfied with your results until you learn to love the before picture. As much as you may want to drop a few pounds before summer, you have to be comfortable enough in your own skin to know that no matter how you look, you are still the same person. Your looks are going to fade. You will not be 19 forever (it sucks I know). Instead of starving yourself and overexercising daily for weeks just to get that one good bikini picture, realize that your mind and your body are what make you who you are. Treat them kindly.
Some things I’m doing to help me with this is exercising without a goal in mind. I am doing it for my health and because it simply makes me happy. My body will change over time, but I have the power to love it in any and every season because it is mine.
Step 3: Wake up earlier
Being someone who hardly ever goes to bed before 2 am, I am never awake before lunch time if I don’t have to be. I love sleeping so much I would consider it a hobby of mine. One bad habit I noticed myself falling into in 2022 was waking up late. Because I had later classes, I’d leave class to go straight to work, followed by being too exhausted to do anything other than watch tv and lay in my bed. This became so annoying because I felt like I wasn’t in control of my life. I felt like my day consisted of things I had to do, not things I wanted to do.
This year I’m going to start waking up earlier. I know what you’re thinking (why would you do that, you’re a college student who juggles work, class, and a social life already). Yes it may sound crazy, but I have found over break that I want to reserve my mornings for me. If I wake up at 8 am every morning, that gives me time to get in a good 45 minute workout, followed by cooking a nutritious breakfast, doing my entire skincare routine, and journaling all before leaving for my 11:45 am class.
As silly as it sounds, this small bit of extra time is exactly what I need to relieve my mind and body from the stresses of the rest of the day. It gives me time to take care of myself and love myself a little extra than I would’ve if I was scrambling to get ready after sleeping until right before I need to leave. Even if it’s just an hour earlier to meditate or simply make your coffee and read, it is enough. Give yourself some much deserved self-care time.
Step 4: do more things that make you happy
Being someone who has never had bad acne, my first semester of college brought me horrible breakouts. I came home for break absolutely hating the way my skin looked in the mirror and criticizing it daily. For Christmas, I got a lot of new skincare products and decided to start trying out a skincare routine. Now listen, I have never been a skincare girly–always a Neutrogena makeup wipe and Cetaphil face wash type of girl. But let me tell you, I understand the hype.
This small little routine that I’ve picked up twice a day has brought me so much joy that it’s kind of sad. But that isn’t something to be ashamed of. Doing little things like reading a book, taking a walk, or even just lighting candle are going to boost your mood whether you expect them to or not. Adding these tiny little changes to my life have impacted me so much that it motivates me to do more productive things like clean or study for that exam. In 2023 I’m choosing to add one tiny thing to my routine each day that makes me happy, because I deserve it.
Step 5: Prioritize your Peace
I feel like in college, living with roommates or in a dorm especially, it’s hard to really be alone. You don’t get to sit in your solitude very often, and become comfortable with it. I realized this when my roommates all left for break a day before me. This left me alone for the night in our four-bedroom apartment for the first time. It wasn’t like I was scared (okay I was a little scared), it was more of their lack of comfort. I felt like for the first time, I didn’t have their presence to lean on. College is a lonely and difficult time sometimes, that’s why it’s important to become comfortable with yourself.
I spent so many nights this semester going out out of FOMO and not simply because I wanted to. If you’d read my mind, I’d have much rather been at home in my sweats at 10 pm with a bucket of popcorn, a face mask, and a Harry Potter marathon on. But I was afraid of standing out and being alone while everyone else is having a great time and making the most of their night. What I didn’t realize is staying in can still be a great night. You’re not missing out by prioritizing your wants and needs over the majority. There will be nights where you feel like staying out all night, but those come with the nights where you rested and rejuvenated in preparation for the next weekend.
This year I’m putting myself first in all accounts. Will it be difficult? At first yeah. But then it will come so easy that I won’t understand how I ever put anything else above me. 2023 is going to be a year of love and patience for myself. 2023 is going to be a year of growth and learning. 2023 is going to be my year, because this year, I’m loving myself.