I promise. Saying no is not an easy thing for anyone to do. It’s particularly difficult for women because we often aren’t expected to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves. Learning how to say no is one of the most important parts of growing up and college is the perfect time to practice this. Whether it’s saying no to a party, a date, or a drink, if it’s something you don’t want to do, you should never feel forced to do it.
For me personally, I had to learn to say no in order to protect my mental and physical health. Learning when enough was enough has helped me feel healthier and more stable. If I’m feeling totally drained and just want a chill night in, then that’s what I’m going to do. I know there are times you should be challenged a little and times I have gone out when I didn’t think I wanted to and greatly enjoyed it, but being comfortable saying no is most important. Saying no also makes my life feel more fulfilling because I know I’m spending my time, money, and energy into things that I actually want and need to do, not just things I felt pressured to do. Learning how to say no is the most important way you can set boundaries with those around you. Setting boundaries can start small, but it also can translate into much bigger topics in a relationship. This is part of the reason it’s so important to start practicing this skill in college.
My top three tips for starting to say no are as follows: 1. Start Small. As previously mentioned, small boundaries make discussions about more important boundaries more effective because you already have experience. 2. Plan. For me, it always helps to play how and when I’m going to say no. Obviously, you still want to be a respectful person, so just be honest and upfront with those around you. Don’t wait until the last minute to cancel or say no. Planning can also mean planning events to do instead of what you are saying no to. If you’re saying no to a night out, be sure to have something valuable to do so you don’t feel guilty about saying no. 3. Reframe your thoughts. The hardest part of saying no for me is the feeling that others are judging me for my choice. I always have to reframe my thoughts and remind myself that most of the time people really do not care. They respect your choices. If they really don’t respect your choices and make you feel guilty, they might not be good to have in your close circle.
When you learn to say no you become more autonomous and in control of your life. Obviously, my tips won’t work for everyone. Some people do appreciate a little social pressure from others and hopefully you know yourself well enough to decide if that applies to you or not. Regardless, I think everyone should learn how to say no because it empowers you. Setting boundaries will only become more important as work, family, and relationships continue to blossom as we grow older. You got this!